Thursday, March 1, 2012

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice...

So since the last post we have had some interesting days. The biggest highlight for Aspen I think would be the AWANA Skate Night we went to Monday night. Aspen is 2 years and 5 months old. In most peoples eyes and thoughts there is no way she should be able to roller skate...don't feel bad I thought the same thing. But I figured with mommy's help she could get around the skate floor. After 2 times around with mommy though she kept pushing me away and fought taking my hand, I thought it meant she was done skating so I tried to lead her off the floor which resulted in "No mommy!!!" "Skate, Skate." Ok so she wasn't done, I tried to grab her hand and was met with more defiance about taking my hand. Then I looked up for a minute when another mom from church said my name to say hi. When I looked down Aspen was a good 20 feet in front of me on the skate floor, how did she move so fast??? That's when I realized it. Aspen wasn't done skating but was telling mommy, "I've got this! You can let go now!" Immediately upon this realization I started to tear up. Aspen is my baby well that's how I picture her most of the time and the days of "I need you mommy!" and "Hold my hand mommy!" are coming to an end. Yes there are still times when she wants my help and needs me(heck, how will she eat if mommy or daddy don't make it, lol) But I still wasn't ready for this I tried to hold her hand again, this time I was met with a very defiant face, and Aspen looked up at me with her big beautiful eyes and said, "Mommy, I do it!" And I teared up even more. I know there are many more days and times like this to come, but at this particular moment and hearing those words was just extremely unexpected and hard. I'm still trying to figure out when our baby got so big.
Now all of that was a very serious thought process of my heart and mind to show how much I really do love Aspen before I shared some of the dark side of her.
I am sure everyone has heard the phrase, "Sugar and spice and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of." Well if you haven't there it is. I have always heard that phrase and was thought it was a very sweet sentiment about little girls. But having a 2 year old girl there is one thing I can confidently say...the "SPICE" in that phrase is way to often overlooked. Don't get me wrong there are times that Aspen is so darn sweet and just melts your heart, but I can also say that she is one spicy/sassy little girl and is proving to be quite the challenge. My grandma use to always tell me, "Someday I hope you have a daughter who is just like you!" I always laughed and thought to myself, "that would be awesome!" I knew that having a daughter like me meant she would be outgoing, crazy, fun, outspoken. But of course who wants to think about the bad parts of themselves in their child which in my case is stubborn, strong-willed, defiant. So grandma, congratulations you won and Aspen well, in many ways is very much a mini-me. All of these traits can be considered good things even stubborn and strong-willed if in the right way but in a 2 year old these traits can wreak havoc on our day.
So here are some examples of some of Aspen's "spicier" moments:
Exhibit A-Me: "Aspen please make sure you put the lids back on your markers." Aspen: "NOOOOOOOO"

Exhibit B- Me: "Aspen, mommy asked you not to touch that, please don't touch, just look at it with your eyes." Aspen: Looking right at me...touches it again and then runs away laughing.

Exhibit C- Me: "Aspen we aren't suppose to play with Bridgette's binky, please leave it alone." Aspen: Looks at me, takes it, and runs off.

Those are just a few examples of my spicy Aspen and each of these examples are met with a time-out for not obeying mommy. And after time-out she always gets reminded that mommy loves her but she needs to obey. Did I mention that all 3 of these and more happen in the same day???
But there is my Aspen girl for you, she is a challenge and by the end of the day I am so tired. But above all I love her so much and know that these days shall pass. And then Bridgette will be in those days herself too, because my luck...all of our kids will be that way.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Update and Letter to our Baby Bean...

I have a couple spare minutes to try and give an update so here I am. This past week has been a good one and Valentine's Day celebrations were very sweet here. This weekend we had Randy's parents in town to spend some time with us and it was SO NICE and we absolutely loved having them here. They spoiled us with some meals out which was a nice break from cooking. My grandparents were also able to make it up on Saturday to have lunch with us. I was in heaven. I love them so much and it can be really hard that I can't just pick up and pop in on them spur of the moment like I use to before we moved. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy our lives here and the people we have with us here but there is nothing like family and it's hard being a distance away from them.
On another note my heart ached a bit yesterday during sunday school with our youth. Randy was teaching and he was talking about Heaven and what it takes to get there. The topic of babies/little children, and unborn babies came up. For the first time since it happened Randy actually brought up the miscarriage we had in October 2010. He told the youth, "When you lose a child a hole is left in your heart, but Kimmie and I take comfort in the fact that we know that someday we know we will meet our baby in Heaven!" I couldn't control myself and my eyes filled with tears. Filled with tears of sadness at the thought of that precious baby we had lost, filled with tears of understanding as he admitted the hole that will always be in our hearts, and filled with tears of joy at the knowledge that we WILL meet that precious baby bean someday. I wrote a letter to our baby bean and I am writing it here just to get it out.
Baby Bean-
We never got to know whether you were a beautiful baby girl or handsome baby boy so mommy decided to affectionately call you baby bean. Mommy just wants to let you know that you are very deeply missed and our lives have never been the same since we lost you. Your short existence in our lives taught us so much. It taught us about love, joy, loss, hope, and strength...overall the biggest one for mommy was strength. Losing you broke mommy and daddy's heart and has left a small hole in it. But that hole proves a goo reminder of you and what you have taught us. After we lost you mommy had a hard time trying to move on. Your big sister Aspen is really what helped me get out of bed in the morning. I would hug her and tell her about she was a big sister to a bean we wouldn't meet here but someday when we went to heaven we would.
You my precious bean are sitting in the lap of our precious God who holds you tight and loves you so much. I can't wait until I get the chance to hug you and hold you and meet you for the very first time. I often wonder what you would have looked like. Would you have daddy's eyes or would you look like mommy, would you like sports or be more into reading...these things I will never know. But I do know that you are loved so deeply that it literally causes an ache in mommy's heart.
I also wanted to tell you bean that you have a little sister. Her name is Bridgette and she is absolutely beautiful.  I am sure that you would have made a great big brother or sister. But know that you will never be forgotten you were our second baby. You are too precious to have ever been forgotten. I am a mommy to 2 beautiful girls and a precious angel that got to climb into the lap of Jesus far sooner that mommy would have liked and watches over us. My heart and arms ache for you and I will always miss you little bean. I will meet you someday and until then will live my life here on Earth and hope to make you proud of your mommy.
Remember that your mommy and daddy love you and can't wait to meet their precious bean.
Love, Mommy

Monday, February 13, 2012

Bethel Mission...But what about the single father's?

So this weekend was a little bit of a hectic weekend in our house. Saturday morning was the AWANA Grand Prix which was just fun in general to go and watch what kids did with their cars and see them race them. Our AWANA kids are so darn creative with those things. It was so fun to see how excited they were about their cars and to race. We even had skype viewers all the way from Scotland. A few of our kids were just visiting family for a few months on their parents "leave" from work and had to return recently. But they had made cars and wanted to see how they would do so their grandma brought in her laptop and had skype up the whole time so they could watch the racing. It was really neat. The rest of Saturday consisted of us doing normal chores/cleaning around the house and some grocery shopping all while trying to maintain our sanity and composure with a 2 year old who clearly was on a sugar high and had WAY too much sugar. Imagine a rubber bouncy ball put in a room made of rubber. So once it starts it would just never stop. It would keep going...and going...and that energizer bunny. Yes folks, that was our little miss Aspen. Trying to corral her, keep patience with her, and keep up with her in general was a task all in itself. Sugar also seemed to make Aspen have some poor judgement choices. So we did have a few timeouts as a result.

Sunday was a normal morning of our church going and hanging out with the youth for Sunday School and then our church service. After church is when things got busier. There was a fundraiser for the band at the high school, they were putting on a Valentine's breakfast of pancakes, eggs, sausage, coffee, milk, etc. So we head up there to see some of our youth and enjoy the delicious food. It really was good. Then it was a matter of getting Aspen down for a nap and Randy and I finishing preparation for the trip to Bethel Mission (a part of Hope Ministries) we were taking the youth to last night. People in our church and in the community were SO generous with giving us things to take with us for the women and children. When randy planned this trip he learned of the moms with children living in one of the facilities and wanted to do something special for them for Valentine's Day. So as a church/youth group we collected items for the moms and kids to give as gifts. We wound up being able to make gift bags for each mom that included 2 boxes of chocolate, a lotion, and a single red rose. Then for the kids we decorated a bunch of shoe boxes to make them look like valentine's boxes you make in school and filly them with candy, valentines, little toys, etc. And one of our youth girls actually sewed a bunch of bags together as well so each would also get a homemade bag with some goodies in it and have something to carry their stuff in. We also were able to take a bunch of craft supplies and coloring books that would be hard to divide into boxes that they could pass out to the children themselves.

When we went it was to a different facility then where the women with children stayed. It was the center for men. Jordanne the women who helped us get set up with a time to go and all was there and told us about the different centers they have, the people they cater to, the needs they have, and gave us a tour of that particular facility. She also told us about the special year long to 2 year long programs that they offer to help people get back on their feet, by offering schooling, helping them get jobs, etc. Throughout her whole spiel she accepted questions and there was one I had to ask...I was a little wary of asking but I did muster up the courage to ask, "What about single fathers who have kids, do you have a place for them?" I wasn't completely surprised but at the same time my heart sunk. I don't understand why centers for the homeless will provide housing for single men, single women, and women with children, but they can't take men with children. I know it is not something seen often but it is out there. I always think back to when I was living with my dad. What if one of these programs would have had a place for us to stay...a single father with a daughter. How would a program liked that helped my dad and changed him. Would I have had to move in with my grandparents? would our lives have been different? There are so many what if's that run through my mind and all I can think about are the children out there to single father's that are in need of help. I hope someday there will be a place for them to turn where they won't get turned away and they can get the help they need before it's too late and their kids are taken from them. A child should never have to deal with the heartache of being taken from their dad. I truly hope someday there will be a place for men with children and who know's maybe I will be a part in it's creation.
thankfully for my sake I had wonderful grandparents who raised me and became my "mom and dad' but what if they wouldn't have had too! That's alL I have for today!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Life with 2...

SO a chance to post 2 days in a row...a miracle right...well in this household it can be. I am hoping even if not every day I can get on here a few times a week because it helps me relax and get thoughts out. The thought for today...2 kids!?! Whose idea was this?!?
Ok, So now take all the negative thoughts/ways that those words could have been taken and put them aside for me and hear me out here. I have many friends who are unsure whether to have kids let alone multiple kids and some who are unsure whether to have more than their 1. SO I am going to try and give you some thoughts to help you sort some thoughts out.
Having my 2nd now...sleeping when the baby sleeps, yeah right!!! It's more like get a gulp of coffee while the baby sleeps so you can keep up with the 2 year old. It means the house is not always clean(which if you know me and Randy this part is hard for us), it means dishes are not always done and piles of laundry can litter the bedrooms and laundry room. It means counters, tables, arms of furniture covered with burp cloths, pacifiers, and bottles. It means toys and baby gear that you are constantly tripping over. It means watching more Elmo, Nemo, Tangled, etc. than you care to admit(I can quote them in their entirety). It means handprint smudges all over the windows, T.V., and tables. Showers are a luxury that serve as my break from the chaos, make-up is done maybe once or twice a week, hair is mostly in ponytails, and fingernails...well I can't remember the last time I had the time to get my fingers or toes done let alone paint them myself. It means more water on the floor and all over me than in the bathtub by the end of bathtime.  by Adding even more to this already long list it means very little time as a couple, it means crying(and not just from the kids), it means poop and pee and not just in the diapers, it means cleaning up someone else's mess when they are sick and throwing up everywhere. I'm sure you all are curious where I am going with this but hear me out still. There is so much more to know...
It means giggles, and laughs, and "I love you Mommy!" It means love beyond your wildest dreams. It means snuggles and hugs that warm your soul. It means a little hand reaching out to you for your comfort and protection. It means little clothes that you can hardly believe use to fit them. It means the sweet smell of freshly bathed babies snuggled up to your chest with their bedtime snacks. It means dance parties and being silly. It means missing those little faces when you are away from them for awhile. It means squeals of delight and "Momeeeeee" when you walk in after a few hours away. It means smiles that melt your heart. It means tears of joy, fear, and happiness all at the same time.
1 kid can be a struggle at times and then you add 1 and the struggles can grow but the good outweighs the bad without question. All this to say that the decision to have kids is one you will never regret and to say that if you don't believe in love at first sight than you will after having your baby. My days can be long and hard and I get frustrated but I would not change anything for even a second. Our girls are joys in our lives even when one is screaming for a bottle and the other is throwing a temper tantrum because mommy said no when she asked for skittles. It is those moments that I have to laugh and remind myself that they are only little for so long and they grow up WAY too fast. I'm trying to figure out how Bridgette is 7 weeks (almost 8 weeks) old already. So kids are hard but as crazy as it is...I know we are not done with 2. I would honestly have 10 if Randy let me...but I know he might have something to say about that.
So there are my thoughts and I am sure fellow mothers can relate to these thoughts and sentiments. But cherish these days because far too soon they will be gone and we will long for those little snuggles and hands to hold. We will miss the smudges of little handprints all over the windows and the toys strewn about the house. "Choosing to have children is allowing your heart to walk around on the outside of your body."

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Bridgette Corinne Birth Story

I have a feeling I don't have many followers or readers because honestly I suck as a blogger. But I love to do it when I get the chance. I get so upset when I realize it's been so long since I posted and I really do want to get better at it. So to those who still have an interest in my life here is a special story. Bridgette Corinne's birth story...
Bridgette was born on December 19th 2011. I had a scheduled induction and at my last appointment the week before they said that someone would call me sometime between 5 and 8am and if no one called then call them. The morning of December 19th came and I woke up at 3am for my normal pregnancy bathroom visit. When I climbed back into bed I remember laying there and saying "I am having a baby today." Very quickly followed with the thought of "I hope I am having a baby today." I had heard so many horror stories about really long labors with inductions and was worried maybe it would be days of labor. After those thoughts hit me my mind was going and there was no going back to sleep no matter how hard I tried.
Finally at 4:45 I gave up and just got out of bed all the while Randy was sleeping like a baby. How he slept so well I have no idea. I decided to go ahead and jump in the shower and took my phone with just in case we received a call. After getting out of the shower and starting to get ready I got the call at 5:28am saying, "can you be here by 6:30am?" I answered with a very enthusiastic "Of course!' and ran to tell Randy. there he was still sleeping away, but I woke him up and said, "Sweetie they called, lets go have our baby girl!" At that point is was just getting our final things together and getting out the door.
the 25 minute drive there seemed like the longest drive ever. We arrived at the hospital right at 6:30 and started the neverending check-in process. By 7am they got us to a room but we were still filling out papers, answering questions about our entire lives it seemed like, and getting poked and prodded on. At 8:30am the OB came in and checked on me and said my contractions without pitocin yet were anywhere from 9 to 16 minutes apart so they thought even without induction that day would have been Bridgette's birthday. i was 3cm dilated and 90% effaced at this point(which is what I was at my last appointment) and they broke my water to see if it would help regulate the contractions. By 9am contractions were 5 minutes apart and my nurse said, "congratulations, you are officially in labor." By 10am I was getting MUCH more uncomfortable and by 10:20am I asked for the epidural. Epidural is definitely a woman's best friend in labor USUALLY. By 10:45 I had my epidural that wasn't working very well and they said I was 7cm and 100% effaced. The epidural was making my stomach numb but almost ALL my pain was actually in my back and it was putting me in tears. Being told I went from 3cm to 7cm in 2 hours was definitely the only relief I felt and at least I knew the intense pain was working well and fast to get me to 10cm.By 11am I was calling my nurse in and telling her I needed to push and I needed to push now! She thought I was crazy since she had just checked me but she reluctantly checked me and said, "Oh, you are fully dilated now but don't push yet we  need to set up and call the doctor!" She called a bunch of people in to start setting stuff up since they hadn't even started to set things up yet and then tried to call the doctor. At this point I was crying in so much pain because the epidural NEVER did anything to help with the intense pressure and back pain I was feeling. Someone finally reported that the docotr would be over in a few minutes and he was across the street. Randy said that my face was definitely friendly one when I heard that and that i rolled my eyes. As each contraction came I was still in major pain and I continued to cry through each one. FINALLY at 11:30 our doctor cam waltzing in carrying a coffee and said  "so it's time to have a baby huh?' I gave him a nasty look i am sure and by time he got his scrubs on her head was already part way out without me pushing at all. after 1 small push her head was completely out and they realized why the epidural wasn't working, I had been in back labor because Bridgette had decided to be facing the wrong way as she came down. Stubborn girl! They turned her around and 1 more big push and she was out at 11:42am.
SO if you noticed the times on everything my actual labor was only 2hours and 42minutes long from start to finish. But with the amount of pain I was in I am glad it was short.
Bridgette Corinne was 8lbs 13oz and 20 and 1/4 inches long so about a pound heavier and almost 2 inches longer than Aspen was at birth. She was absolutely beautiful and Randy and I were both in awe of our beautiful new blessing. We were officially the proud parents of 2 beautiful girls and Randy now has 2 daddy's little princesses. He adores his little girls. We are excited to watch our girls grow as sisters and hopefully  as friends. Below is a couple pictures of our beautiful girls. The pictures were taken when Bridgette just turned 1 month old. We love our precious blessings so much!

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Changes are coming...

This post finds us at a very different point in life than the last post I was able to make. Randy received a job as a youth pastor at a church in a small town in Iowa. The news and upcoming change to our location and life left us with much excitement and anticipation but also a reminiscing mindset of our families, friends, and the lives we had in Omaha. In July we made the move and we have been truly blessed by our new church family and the lives we have started to create here. After the move I hunkered down and settled right into the unpacking and trying to get our family settled into our new home thinking we would be here awhile(more details later in post).
August 3rd we had our big day or what I considered a big day in our lives. We had our first OB appointment here in Iowa and our 20 week ultrasound to measure the little bean and make sure everything was going well and the BIG BIG news...dun dun ready? Aspen is going to be the big sister to a BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL!!!! That's right we are having another precious girl. I had a gut feeling it was another girl and every time I have ever imagined/dreamt about our family it was always a bunch of little girls running around in our family. Maybe someday we will be blessed with a little boy as well but we are beyond excited for our new little girl and Randy is going to be wrapped yet again around the precious finger of another little princess. Princess number 2 also has already been named. SO we will be adding Bridgette Corinne to our family this December.
After our big ultrasound I buckled down even more with the nesting and trying to make our home ready for another baby girl. I started to get the nursery set up and was getting so excited when it almost seemed like it was ready except for a few small details. Then just about 2 and 1/2 weeks ago we went to one of our youth girls volleyball games and got to talking to her mom in the stands. This couple had bought a house across the street from the church and had completely stripped it down to the studs and was remodeling/rebuilding it. I mentioned that the house looked great and was going to be beautiful when it was all done. The house was nearing the finish line and they were were looking to sell it(which we are not wanting to buy until we pay down some student loans) but they would rent it to us with us being able to buy after we got some loans paid down. But first they wanted us to tour the house and be sure it would be someplace we would like. That was on a Thursday, then that Saturday they showed us around the house. It was absolutely beautiful. It is a 2 story with all 3 of the bedrooms on the 2nd level(the house we are in now has the kids room on the main level and the master bedroom in the basement which has always made us paranoid) and a good size bathroom that has the washer and dryer on the level with all the bedrooms which is also a great convenience. The main floor has 2 living room areas (1 will be a den with the computer and bookshelves), a huge dining room which will be the playroom since the kitchen is big enough for our table as well and it will be nice to have a huge play area on the main floor. The kitchen is beautiful with a big island and lots of cupboard space. Then there is also a huge bathroom on the main level and a mud room for the dog kennel, shoes, coats, etc.
This house is truly ideal for us and we are so excited at the opportunity to get into this house. After seeing it on Saturday we found out Sunday that the house could officially be ours and we would just have to wait to hear from them after they talked to the guy they had working on it to get a final timeline and a possible move in date. By that Wednesday (so less than a week after the whole idea/conversation began) we found out that the guy would be done by November 3rd and we could move in November 5th. A mere 2 and 1/2 weeks yes folks after getting completely unpacked and getting settled and getting the nursery nearly completed we were packing again. But we are so excited and now we are moving 1 week from today. I will post pictures of the new house after the move. :)
And last but not least, Aspen. She is a big bad 2 year old now and I like to affectionately call her "Drama" it's basically her new nickname from me. She is very dramatic when she is unhappy and it's actually amusing/funny at times when she throws her hands up and then throws herself into the corners, couch cushions, etc, thinking it will get her what she wants. She is getting big and cuter by the day and I think she is going to make a great big sister. She is starting to mommy her stuffed animals and occasionally a doll(for some reason dolls don't appeal to her as much as all her stuffed animals). She likes to put her animals into the swing and start it up, buckle them into the carseat, put them in the bouncer etc.  She even put her little cow into the bouncer one day, covered it with a blanket and said "shhhh, she sleepin." It made my heart melt all over again. She is so darn cute and I am so excited to see her be a big sister.
That is life currently and we are loving it. We have our days/ weeks that are struggles just like any family due to whatever reason life has thrown at us. But we have enjoyed our new ministry here and are looking forward to the adventures to come.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The end and the beginning all at the same time...

Yes I know I have not posted since January! I apologize profusely for the lack of posts on my part. But I am very proud to say that I started and completed my student teaching and I have officially graduated from Grace with my Elementary Education degree, my Associates in Bible, and an ESL endorsement. I am done with school FOREVER...or until many many years from now when I decide to maybe get my masters but that is not even close to the forefront of my mind right now.
My new role/job in life you ask well...dun dun dun...I am going to be a stay at home mom to precious Aspen and  to a new little bean that we are expecting on Christmas Eve ( hoping he/she makes their appearance a few days early though). Yes folks we are expecting again and so hopeful with this one. So far we have had to good ultrasounds and when I was 7weeks 4 days we saw a heartbeat of 158 beats per minute. Today I am 9 weeks and 4 days so it's been two weeks since seeing the bean and I can't help but be nervous and hope/pray that everything is still going ok in there. I have had a lot of nausea with this pregnancy and have been really tired at times so the continuation of symptoms I guess should be comforting right now but I will continue to be worried until I have another appointment and either see the bean again or hear the heartbeat with a doppler. Below is the picture of Aspen wearing her "Big Sister" shirt which is how we told people we were expecting again. All the reactions were priceless and so exciting.
 This picture is another recent one of Aspen when we were playing at her friend Peyton's house. She was riding in his Cozy Coupe! Such a big girl!

So life is good and in a week and a half we go for a candidate weekend for a possible new job for Randy that is looking extremely likely. I will fill you all in more on that hopefully tomorrow!