Update and Letter to our Baby Bean...

I have a couple spare minutes to try and give an update so here I am. This past week has been a good one and Valentine's Day celebrations were very sweet here. This weekend we had Randy's parents in town to spend some time with us and it was SO NICE and we absolutely loved having them here. They spoiled us with some meals out which was a nice break from cooking. My grandparents were also able to make it up on Saturday to have lunch with us. I was in heaven. I love them so much and it can be really hard that I can't just pick up and pop in on them spur of the moment like I use to before we moved. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy our lives here and the people we have with us here but there is nothing like family and it's hard being a distance away from them.
On another note my heart ached a bit yesterday during sunday school with our youth. Randy was teaching and he was talking about Heaven and what it takes to get there. The topic of babies/little children, and unborn babies came up. For the first time since it happened Randy actually brought up the miscarriage we had in October 2010. He told the youth, "When you lose a child a hole is left in your heart, but Kimmie and I take comfort in the fact that we know that someday we know we will meet our baby in Heaven!" I couldn't control myself and my eyes filled with tears. Filled with tears of sadness at the thought of that precious baby we had lost, filled with tears of understanding as he admitted the hole that will always be in our hearts, and filled with tears of joy at the knowledge that we WILL meet that precious baby bean someday. I wrote a letter to our baby bean and I am writing it here just to get it out.
Baby Bean-
We never got to know whether you were a beautiful baby girl or handsome baby boy so mommy decided to affectionately call you baby bean. Mommy just wants to let you know that you are very deeply missed and our lives have never been the same since we lost you. Your short existence in our lives taught us so much. It taught us about love, joy, loss, hope, and strength...overall the biggest one for mommy was strength. Losing you broke mommy and daddy's heart and has left a small hole in it. But that hole proves a goo reminder of you and what you have taught us. After we lost you mommy had a hard time trying to move on. Your big sister Aspen is really what helped me get out of bed in the morning. I would hug her and tell her about she was a big sister to a bean we wouldn't meet here but someday when we went to heaven we would.
You my precious bean are sitting in the lap of our precious God who holds you tight and loves you so much. I can't wait until I get the chance to hug you and hold you and meet you for the very first time. I often wonder what you would have looked like. Would you have daddy's eyes or would you look like mommy, would you like sports or be more into reading...these things I will never know. But I do know that you are loved so deeply that it literally causes an ache in mommy's heart.
I also wanted to tell you bean that you have a little sister. Her name is Bridgette and she is absolutely beautiful.  I am sure that you would have made a great big brother or sister. But know that you will never be forgotten you were our second baby. You are too precious to have ever been forgotten. I am a mommy to 2 beautiful girls and a precious angel that got to climb into the lap of Jesus far sooner that mommy would have liked and watches over us. My heart and arms ache for you and I will always miss you little bean. I will meet you someday and until then will live my life here on Earth and hope to make you proud of your mommy.
Remember that your mommy and daddy love you and can't wait to meet their precious bean.
Love, Mommy

Life with 2...

SO a chance to post 2 days in a row...a miracle right...well in this household it can be. I am hoping even if not every day I can get on here a few times a week because it helps me relax and get thoughts out. The thought for today...2 kids!?! Whose idea was this?!?
Ok, So now take all the negative thoughts/ways that those words could have been taken and put them aside for me and hear me out here. I have many friends who are unsure whether to have kids let alone multiple kids and some who are unsure whether to have more than their 1. SO I am going to try and give you some thoughts to help you sort some thoughts out.
Having my 2nd now...sleeping when the baby sleeps, yeah right!!! It's more like get a gulp of coffee while the baby sleeps so you can keep up with the 2 year old. It means the house is not always clean(which if you know me and Randy this part is hard for us), it means dishes are not always done and piles of laundry can litter the bedrooms and laundry room. It means counters, tables, arms of furniture covered with burp cloths, pacifiers, and bottles. It means toys and baby gear that you are constantly tripping over. It means watching more Elmo, Nemo, Tangled, etc. than you care to admit(I can quote them in their entirety). It means handprint smudges all over the windows, T.V., and tables. Showers are a luxury that serve as my break from the chaos, make-up is done maybe once or twice a week, hair is mostly in ponytails, and fingernails...well I can't remember the last time I had the time to get my fingers or toes done let alone paint them myself. It means more water on the floor and all over me than in the bathtub by the end of bathtime.  by Adding even more to this already long list it means very little time as a couple, it means crying(and not just from the kids), it means poop and pee and not just in the diapers, it means cleaning up someone else's mess when they are sick and throwing up everywhere. I'm sure you all are curious where I am going with this but hear me out still. There is so much more to know...
It means giggles, and laughs, and "I love you Mommy!" It means love beyond your wildest dreams. It means snuggles and hugs that warm your soul. It means a little hand reaching out to you for your comfort and protection. It means little clothes that you can hardly believe use to fit them. It means the sweet smell of freshly bathed babies snuggled up to your chest with their bedtime snacks. It means dance parties and being silly. It means missing those little faces when you are away from them for awhile. It means squeals of delight and "Momeeeeee" when you walk in after a few hours away. It means smiles that melt your heart. It means tears of joy, fear, and happiness all at the same time.
1 kid can be a struggle at times and then you add 1 and the struggles can grow but the good outweighs the bad without question. All this to say that the decision to have kids is one you will never regret and to say that if you don't believe in love at first sight than you will after having your baby. My days can be long and hard and I get frustrated but I would not change anything for even a second. Our girls are joys in our lives even when one is screaming for a bottle and the other is throwing a temper tantrum because mommy said no when she asked for skittles. It is those moments that I have to laugh and remind myself that they are only little for so long and they grow up WAY too fast. I'm trying to figure out how Bridgette is 7 weeks (almost 8 weeks) old already. So kids are hard but as crazy as it is...I know we are not done with 2. I would honestly have 10 if Randy let me...but I know he might have something to say about that.
So there are my thoughts and I am sure fellow mothers can relate to these thoughts and sentiments. But cherish these days because far too soon they will be gone and we will long for those little snuggles and hands to hold. We will miss the smudges of little handprints all over the windows and the toys strewn about the house. "Choosing to have children is allowing your heart to walk around on the outside of your body."

Changes are coming...

This post finds us at a very different point in life than the last post I was able to make. Randy received a job as a youth pastor at a church in a small town in Iowa. The news and upcoming change to our location and life left us with much excitement and anticipation but also a reminiscing mindset of our families, friends, and the lives we had in Omaha. In July we made the move and we have been truly blessed by our new church family and the lives we have started to create here. After the move I hunkered down and settled right into the unpacking and trying to get our family settled into our new home thinking we would be here awhile(more details later in post).
August 3rd we had our big day or what I considered a big day in our lives. We had our first OB appointment here in Iowa and our 20 week ultrasound to measure the little bean and make sure everything was going well and the BIG BIG news...dun dun dun...you ready? Aspen is going to be the big sister to a BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL!!!! That's right we are having another precious girl. I had a gut feeling it was another girl and every time I have ever imagined/dreamt about our family it was always a bunch of little girls running around in our family. Maybe someday we will be blessed with a little boy as well but we are beyond excited for our new little girl and Randy is going to be wrapped yet again around the precious finger of another little princess. Princess number 2 also has already been named. SO we will be adding Bridgette Corinne to our family this December.
After our big ultrasound I buckled down even more with the nesting and trying to make our home ready for another baby girl. I started to get the nursery set up and was getting so excited when it almost seemed like it was ready except for a few small details. Then just about 2 and 1/2 weeks ago we went to one of our youth girls volleyball games and got to talking to her mom in the stands. This couple had bought a house across the street from the church and had completely stripped it down to the studs and was remodeling/rebuilding it. I mentioned that the house looked great and was going to be beautiful when it was all done. The house was nearing the finish line and they were were looking to sell it(which we are not wanting to buy until we pay down some student loans) but they would rent it to us with us being able to buy after we got some loans paid down. But first they wanted us to tour the house and be sure it would be someplace we would like. That was on a Thursday, then that Saturday they showed us around the house. It was absolutely beautiful. It is a 2 story with all 3 of the bedrooms on the 2nd level(the house we are in now has the kids room on the main level and the master bedroom in the basement which has always made us paranoid) and a good size bathroom that has the washer and dryer on the level with all the bedrooms which is also a great convenience. The main floor has 2 living room areas (1 will be a den with the computer and bookshelves), a huge dining room which will be the playroom since the kitchen is big enough for our table as well and it will be nice to have a huge play area on the main floor. The kitchen is beautiful with a big island and lots of cupboard space. Then there is also a huge bathroom on the main level and a mud room for the dog kennel, shoes, coats, etc.
This house is truly ideal for us and we are so excited at the opportunity to get into this house. After seeing it on Saturday we found out Sunday that the house could officially be ours and we would just have to wait to hear from them after they talked to the guy they had working on it to get a final timeline and a possible move in date. By that Wednesday (so less than a week after the whole idea/conversation began) we found out that the guy would be done by November 3rd and we could move in November 5th. A mere 2 and 1/2 weeks later...so yes folks after getting completely unpacked and getting settled and getting the nursery nearly completed we were packing again. But we are so excited and now we are moving 1 week from today. I will post pictures of the new house after the move. :)
And last but not least, Aspen. She is a big bad 2 year old now and I like to affectionately call her "Drama" it's basically her new nickname from me. She is very dramatic when she is unhappy and it's actually amusing/funny at times when she throws her hands up and then throws herself into the corners, couch cushions, etc, thinking it will get her what she wants. She is getting big and cuter by the day and I think she is going to make a great big sister. She is starting to mommy her stuffed animals and occasionally a doll(for some reason dolls don't appeal to her as much as all her stuffed animals). She likes to put her animals into the swing and start it up, buckle them into the carseat, put them in the bouncer etc.  She even put her little cow into the bouncer one day, covered it with a blanket and said "shhhh, she sleepin." It made my heart melt all over again. She is so darn cute and I am so excited to see her be a big sister.
That is life currently and we are loving it. We have our days/ weeks that are struggles just like any family due to whatever reason life has thrown at us. But we have enjoyed our new ministry here and are looking forward to the adventures to come.