A New Year...and the past is in the past

Today is the first of 2011 and with that my mind races. 2010 was a year of so many emotions and roller coaster rides. I got to watch my precious girl grow, start to walk, and see her become a babbling toddler and a little adventurer. I got to celebrate 2 years of marriage with the love of my life. I started and completed my last and final semester of classes at Grace. Got to see the love of friends grow and their beautiful weddings to bind themselves permanently. I got to experience the joy and excitement of the thought of bringing a precious sibling for Aspen into the world.  And the most painful memory and thought of the year is a mere few days later finding out that the precious child that we shared joy over was not meant to join us in out earthly family. But instead that precious angel baby sits in God's lap and is watched over by my great grandmother and Randy's grandmother and waits for us to someday join them.

As much pain as this has brought I can not say my year was the worst either. Because with the precious ones in my life that are there for me every day and that give me the reason to to wake up every day and have brought more joy into my life than ever even thought possible. I am truly blessed and adore Randy and Aspen and they are my daily reminders of how much God loves me and has blessed me over the years. So with these blessings I start a new year and have new hopes, dreams, and life adventures that lay before me. We have so much to look forward to this year like in a mere few days I start my student teaching,  both of us graduating from Grace, the excitement of the unknown as Randy looks for a pastoral position somewhere, and we get another year to watch our precious Aspen grow and learn.

Our God is with us and he knows the plans that have been laid for us. We just have to look forward and enjoy the adventure of life that God has laid before us. With that I look forward to the new year with great hope and anticipation and I can only hope and pray that my friends and family do the same. So here is to the new year, the wondrous mystery of it all, and the hopes that this year brings much joy, happiness, and brings our family closer to God.
And since I have had a lack of pictures in awhile here is my dear Aspen at 15 months...

It's official...

Me heart is definitely not whole. I have been realizing more and more over the last two weeks that my heart is in fact fragile and not whole. The snow and the possibility of Randy and Aspen getting hurt actually makes me that neurotic mom that most people hate. The day that I had given my life to Christ and stopped living for myself, my heart was full and whole. Then came the day when I met Randy and as we dated and started to get to know eachother I fell head over heals in love with him and the day we said "I do" a piece of my heart was given to him and will always be with him. Then the day that we found out I was pregnant I felt a piece of my heart coming off again. This time to be kept with Aspen as she grew inside me and now as she grows outside of me. I constantly worry about both Randy and Aspen when I am not with them hoping that they are safe and ok. I knew it was normal to worry a bit but I felt like my worry was more than just a bit. Then the day we got in the car accident. I cried more than I ever thought I could. I cried because in the car was Randy, Aspen, Me, and my sister Kassandra. The thoughts of what could have happened to us made me break down and I have never held on to Aspen so hard as I did that night after the accident. I thank God everyday that we were not hurt and the only thing that was hurt was my car, which is fixable. So every day there are three pieces of heart that are in this world. Rany carries one deep in him and always will, Aspen had a piece grow inside her as she grew in me. When we have more kids I know that they to will carry a piece of my heart as well. Having your heart in pieces can be one of the most amazing feelings there is but also one of the most frightening. I now understand my grandma and her neurotic feelings for everyone in the family. But I have realized they aren't so neurotic. Amazing that it took getting married and having a kid to finally get it. But hey at least I got it right? My heart will never be whole again but knowing the love that comes along with that makes it so worth it. So here is a glimpse of the other 2 pieces of my heart and when the three are put together!