A New Year...and the past is in the past

Today is the first of 2011 and with that my mind races. 2010 was a year of so many emotions and roller coaster rides. I got to watch my precious girl grow, start to walk, and see her become a babbling toddler and a little adventurer. I got to celebrate 2 years of marriage with the love of my life. I started and completed my last and final semester of classes at Grace. Got to see the love of friends grow and their beautiful weddings to bind themselves permanently. I got to experience the joy and excitement of the thought of bringing a precious sibling for Aspen into the world.  And the most painful memory and thought of the year is a mere few days later finding out that the precious child that we shared joy over was not meant to join us in out earthly family. But instead that precious angel baby sits in God's lap and is watched over by my great grandmother and Randy's grandmother and waits for us to someday join them.

As much pain as this has brought I can not say my year was the worst either. Because with the precious ones in my life that are there for me every day and that give me the reason to to wake up every day and have brought more joy into my life than ever even thought possible. I am truly blessed and adore Randy and Aspen and they are my daily reminders of how much God loves me and has blessed me over the years. So with these blessings I start a new year and have new hopes, dreams, and life adventures that lay before me. We have so much to look forward to this year like in a mere few days I start my student teaching,  both of us graduating from Grace, the excitement of the unknown as Randy looks for a pastoral position somewhere, and we get another year to watch our precious Aspen grow and learn.

Our God is with us and he knows the plans that have been laid for us. We just have to look forward and enjoy the adventure of life that God has laid before us. With that I look forward to the new year with great hope and anticipation and I can only hope and pray that my friends and family do the same. So here is to the new year, the wondrous mystery of it all, and the hopes that this year brings much joy, happiness, and brings our family closer to God.
And since I have had a lack of pictures in awhile here is my dear Aspen at 15 months...

It's a miracle...

Posts 2 days in a row...who h=would have imagined that happening...but there is a reason. We have the conference this weekend and naturally I should be packing Aspen's bag for grandma Linda's. One little problem though...I put Aspen down for a nap in her room...and yes that's right her room is where all her stuff is that needs to be packed...do I dare go in and start packing and risk disturbing the sleeping giant...lol! Nope nope I think not...so alas I sit here and drink my coffee and wait for Randy to get home from work this morning.

Oh and the question that I am sure that is on everyone's mind after my last post.......the answer to where I slept last night.....*drumroll plays*
On the floor of her room...yes folks, I was that mother that is having a hard time letting her baby get older and I slept right next to her crib on the floor so I could easily check on her and Goliath curled up and slet next to me as well. That sleeping arrangement last until 5am when Randy got up for work, he woke me up and I moved to the bed for the last hour and a half or so of her sleep.
Definitely NEVER thought I would be this kind of mother and the emotional wreck Aspen has turned me into. But it is all worth it... I can not imagine life without her. Everytime I think about the moms that lose their babies or all different reasons my heart breaks and I feel saddened that the precious gifts would be taken from them. Like precious Olivia, I would be such a wreck after losing a child and her mother is such a strong woman. I can not believe how well she has perservered. I know that it can't be easy for her but she still keeps going. Olivia was beautiful and she has a story that will forever live in my heart. Then my dear friend that had to give birth to her sleeping baby boy on her actual due date...made it all the way to her 40 week appointment to find out his heart stopped beating. I just can't fathom the heartache. Everytime I think of these stories I hug Aspen a little tighter and when I am frustrated with her their stories remind me that I am getting to experience something that others do not no matter how hard they wish. I will forever be astounded by the women and the heartache they went through and they still carry it with them. I am grateful that I have my baby girl and will never understand why God takes some babies home before they ever really live. But his plan is the ultimate and I truly think that maybe they really were just too beautiful for Earth.