Today I have gone through a wave of sadness...

It came out of nowhere and I do not know what even brought it on...but I had a wave of sadness today that was hard to break. Christmas day I would have just passed the 14 week mark for the baby I lost. I would be giddy with excitement of the new year and the new baby it would bring. Instead, I found myself holding the little stocking I got for the baby and crying. The stocking that would never be used and would never carry a name but one that represents a piece of my heart. My heart will always be missing that little piece but I have to continue to remind myself that God has a plan far greater than our own and He has a reason for everything in our lives. I can say that Aspen when she is older will know of her little sibling and how much they meant to mommy. So my comfort today came from a women on thebump.com who posts daily encouragement for women on the miscarriage and pregnancy loss board. It's a poem that hit home for me today and I had to share,

Spending Christmas with Jesus this Year

I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below

With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars,

reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular,

please wipe away the tear

For I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs

that people hold so dear

But the sounds of music can't compare

with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,

the joy their voices bring,

For it is beyond description,

to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,

I see the pain inside your heart.

But I am not so far away,

We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,

You know I hold you dear.

And be glad I'm spending Christmas

with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,

from my heavenly home above.

I sent you each a memory

of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift

more precious than pure gold.

was always most important

the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,

my Father said to do.

I can't count the blessing or love

has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas

and Wipe away that tear

Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year

And another month has gone by...

Not that I have any avid readers or anything but for anyone who has been waiting for another post I am truly sorry for the silence in the last month. Between my miscarriage, the end of my final semester in classes, and the holidays things have gotten insane. So here is the last month in a nutshell:

• Went to the Hearts at Home conference in Rochester, MN and had an amazing time with the women from my church...who knew that playing musical cars on a road trip could be so much fun.
• Aspen pushed through 4 teeth so far just since December 1st and is working on a 5th.
• Thanksgiving was awesome and a much needed break from school before the finals and final week of classes inducement of hibernation.
• Finished my last semester of classes last week.
• So far 5 out of 8 grades have come back and they are all A's! So far I have madde the Dean's list this semester.
• Decorated for Christmas. (See pic below) And even put up a little stocking for the little nugget we lost. Comforting to see the little one represented this Christmas.
• Met and gotten to know the students and teachers I will be working with for my student teaching starting in January.
• Randy turned in a resume to be a youth pastor at a church that sounds like an awesome fit for us. And not we wait until after the first of the year to hear whats going on with that.
• And for the past week have gotten to spend some great quality time with Aspen since this last semester sadly I felt like I cheated her of my time.

So overall a good month and a half and hopefully I will now be able to keep posts coming. I am so looking forward to what is to come. And as promised above here is my favorite little girl trying to be the Christmas tree! She decided the lights looked better on her than on the tree.

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