Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice...

So since the last post we have had some interesting days. The biggest highlight for Aspen I think would be the AWANA Skate Night we went to Monday night. Aspen is 2 years and 5 months old. In most peoples eyes and thoughts there is no way she should be able to roller skate...don't feel bad I thought the same thing. But I figured with mommy's help she could get around the skate floor. After 2 times around with mommy though she kept pushing me away and fought taking my hand, I thought it meant she was done skating so I tried to lead her off the floor which resulted in "No mommy!!!" "Skate, Skate." Ok so she wasn't done, I tried to grab her hand and was met with more defiance about taking my hand. Then I looked up for a minute when another mom from church said my name to say hi. When I looked down Aspen was a good 20 feet in front of me on the skate floor, how did she move so fast??? That's when I realized it. Aspen wasn't done skating but was telling mommy, "I've got this! You can let go now!" Immediately upon this realization I started to tear up. Aspen is my baby well that's how I picture her most of the time and the days of "I need you mommy!" and "Hold my hand mommy!" are coming to an end. Yes there are still times when she wants my help and needs me(heck, how will she eat if mommy or daddy don't make it, lol) But I still wasn't ready for this moment...so I tried to hold her hand again, this time I was met with a very defiant face, and Aspen looked up at me with her big beautiful eyes and said, "Mommy, I do it!" And I teared up even more. I know there are many more days and times like this to come, but at this particular moment and hearing those words was just extremely unexpected and hard. I'm still trying to figure out when our baby got so big.
Now all of that was a very serious thought process of my heart and mind to show how much I really do love Aspen before I shared some of the dark side of her.
I am sure everyone has heard the phrase, "Sugar and spice and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of." Well if you haven't there it is. I have always heard that phrase and was thought it was a very sweet sentiment about little girls. But having a 2 year old girl there is one thing I can confidently say...the "SPICE" in that phrase is way to often overlooked. Don't get me wrong there are times that Aspen is so darn sweet and just melts your heart, but I can also say that she is one spicy/sassy little girl and is proving to be quite the challenge. My grandma use to always tell me, "Someday I hope you have a daughter who is just like you!" I always laughed and thought to myself, "that would be awesome!" I knew that having a daughter like me meant she would be outgoing, crazy, fun, outspoken. But of course who wants to think about the bad parts of themselves in their child which in my case is stubborn, strong-willed, defiant. So grandma, congratulations you won and Aspen well, in many ways is very much a mini-me. All of these traits can be considered good things even stubborn and strong-willed if in the right way but in a 2 year old these traits can wreak havoc on our day.
So here are some examples of some of Aspen's "spicier" moments:
Exhibit A-Me: "Aspen please make sure you put the lids back on your markers." Aspen: "NOOOOOOOO"

Exhibit B- Me: "Aspen, mommy asked you not to touch that, please don't touch, just look at it with your eyes." Aspen: Looking right at me...touches it again and then runs away laughing.

Exhibit C- Me: "Aspen we aren't suppose to play with Bridgette's binky, please leave it alone." Aspen: Looks at me, takes it, and runs off.

Those are just a few examples of my spicy Aspen and each of these examples are met with a time-out for not obeying mommy. And after time-out she always gets reminded that mommy loves her but she needs to obey. Did I mention that all 3 of these and more happen in the same day???
But there is my Aspen girl for you, she is a challenge and by the end of the day I am so tired. But above all I love her so much and know that these days shall pass. And then Bridgette will be in those days herself too, because my luck...all of our kids will be that way.

Update and Letter to our Baby Bean...

I have a couple spare minutes to try and give an update so here I am. This past week has been a good one and Valentine's Day celebrations were very sweet here. This weekend we had Randy's parents in town to spend some time with us and it was SO NICE and we absolutely loved having them here. They spoiled us with some meals out which was a nice break from cooking. My grandparents were also able to make it up on Saturday to have lunch with us. I was in heaven. I love them so much and it can be really hard that I can't just pick up and pop in on them spur of the moment like I use to before we moved. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy our lives here and the people we have with us here but there is nothing like family and it's hard being a distance away from them.
On another note my heart ached a bit yesterday during sunday school with our youth. Randy was teaching and he was talking about Heaven and what it takes to get there. The topic of babies/little children, and unborn babies came up. For the first time since it happened Randy actually brought up the miscarriage we had in October 2010. He told the youth, "When you lose a child a hole is left in your heart, but Kimmie and I take comfort in the fact that we know that someday we know we will meet our baby in Heaven!" I couldn't control myself and my eyes filled with tears. Filled with tears of sadness at the thought of that precious baby we had lost, filled with tears of understanding as he admitted the hole that will always be in our hearts, and filled with tears of joy at the knowledge that we WILL meet that precious baby bean someday. I wrote a letter to our baby bean and I am writing it here just to get it out.
Baby Bean-
We never got to know whether you were a beautiful baby girl or handsome baby boy so mommy decided to affectionately call you baby bean. Mommy just wants to let you know that you are very deeply missed and our lives have never been the same since we lost you. Your short existence in our lives taught us so much. It taught us about love, joy, loss, hope, and strength...overall the biggest one for mommy was strength. Losing you broke mommy and daddy's heart and has left a small hole in it. But that hole proves a goo reminder of you and what you have taught us. After we lost you mommy had a hard time trying to move on. Your big sister Aspen is really what helped me get out of bed in the morning. I would hug her and tell her about she was a big sister to a bean we wouldn't meet here but someday when we went to heaven we would.
You my precious bean are sitting in the lap of our precious God who holds you tight and loves you so much. I can't wait until I get the chance to hug you and hold you and meet you for the very first time. I often wonder what you would have looked like. Would you have daddy's eyes or would you look like mommy, would you like sports or be more into reading...these things I will never know. But I do know that you are loved so deeply that it literally causes an ache in mommy's heart.
I also wanted to tell you bean that you have a little sister. Her name is Bridgette and she is absolutely beautiful.  I am sure that you would have made a great big brother or sister. But know that you will never be forgotten you were our second baby. You are too precious to have ever been forgotten. I am a mommy to 2 beautiful girls and a precious angel that got to climb into the lap of Jesus far sooner that mommy would have liked and watches over us. My heart and arms ache for you and I will always miss you little bean. I will meet you someday and until then will live my life here on Earth and hope to make you proud of your mommy.
Remember that your mommy and daddy love you and can't wait to meet their precious bean.
Love, Mommy

Bethel Mission...But what about the single father's?

So this weekend was a little bit of a hectic weekend in our house. Saturday morning was the AWANA Grand Prix which was just fun in general to go and watch what kids did with their cars and see them race them. Our AWANA kids are so darn creative with those things. It was so fun to see how excited they were about their cars and to race. We even had skype viewers all the way from Scotland. A few of our kids were just visiting family for a few months on their parents "leave" from work and had to return recently. But they had made cars and wanted to see how they would do so their grandma brought in her laptop and had skype up the whole time so they could watch the racing. It was really neat. The rest of Saturday consisted of us doing normal chores/cleaning around the house and some grocery shopping all while trying to maintain our sanity and composure with a 2 year old who clearly was on a sugar high and had WAY too much sugar. Imagine a rubber bouncy ball put in a room made of rubber. So once it starts it would just never stop. It would keep going...and going...and going...like that energizer bunny. Yes folks, that was our little miss Aspen. Trying to corral her, keep patience with her, and keep up with her in general was a task all in itself. Sugar also seemed to make Aspen have some poor judgement choices. So we did have a few timeouts as a result.

Sunday was a normal morning of our church going and hanging out with the youth for Sunday School and then our church service. After church is when things got busier. There was a fundraiser for the band at the high school, they were putting on a Valentine's breakfast of pancakes, eggs, sausage, coffee, milk, etc. So we head up there to see some of our youth and enjoy the delicious food. It really was good. Then it was a matter of getting Aspen down for a nap and Randy and I finishing preparation for the trip to Bethel Mission (a part of Hope Ministries) we were taking the youth to last night. People in our church and in the community were SO generous with giving us things to take with us for the women and children. When randy planned this trip he learned of the moms with children living in one of the facilities and wanted to do something special for them for Valentine's Day. So as a church/youth group we collected items for the moms and kids to give as gifts. We wound up being able to make gift bags for each mom that included 2 boxes of chocolate, a lotion, and a single red rose. Then for the kids we decorated a bunch of shoe boxes to make them look like valentine's boxes you make in school and filly them with candy, valentines, little toys, etc. And one of our youth girls actually sewed a bunch of bags together as well so each would also get a homemade bag with some goodies in it and have something to carry their stuff in. We also were able to take a bunch of craft supplies and coloring books that would be hard to divide into boxes that they could pass out to the children themselves.

When we went it was to a different facility then where the women with children stayed. It was the center for men. Jordanne the women who helped us get set up with a time to go and all was there and told us about the different centers they have, the people they cater to, the needs they have, and gave us a tour of that particular facility. She also told us about the special year long to 2 year long programs that they offer to help people get back on their feet, by offering schooling, helping them get jobs, etc. Throughout her whole spiel she accepted questions and there was one I had to ask...I was a little wary of asking but I did muster up the courage to ask, "What about single fathers who have kids, do you have a place for them?" I wasn't completely surprised but at the same time my heart sunk. I don't understand why centers for the homeless will provide housing for single men, single women, and women with children, but they can't take men with children. I know it is not something seen often but it is out there. I always think back to when I was living with my dad. What if one of these programs would have had a place for us to stay...a single father with a daughter. How would a program liked that helped my dad and changed him. Would I have had to move in with my grandparents? would our lives have been different? There are so many what if's that run through my mind and all I can think about are the children out there to single father's that are in need of help. I hope someday there will be a place for them to turn where they won't get turned away and they can get the help they need before it's too late and their kids are taken from them. A child should never have to deal with the heartache of being taken from their dad. I truly hope someday there will be a place for men with children and who know's maybe I will be a part in it's creation.
thankfully for my sake I had wonderful grandparents who raised me and became my "mom and dad' but what if they wouldn't have had too! That's alL I have for today!

Life with 2...

SO a chance to post 2 days in a row...a miracle right...well in this household it can be. I am hoping even if not every day I can get on here a few times a week because it helps me relax and get thoughts out. The thought for today...2 kids!?! Whose idea was this?!?
Ok, So now take all the negative thoughts/ways that those words could have been taken and put them aside for me and hear me out here. I have many friends who are unsure whether to have kids let alone multiple kids and some who are unsure whether to have more than their 1. SO I am going to try and give you some thoughts to help you sort some thoughts out.
Having my 2nd now...sleeping when the baby sleeps, yeah right!!! It's more like get a gulp of coffee while the baby sleeps so you can keep up with the 2 year old. It means the house is not always clean(which if you know me and Randy this part is hard for us), it means dishes are not always done and piles of laundry can litter the bedrooms and laundry room. It means counters, tables, arms of furniture covered with burp cloths, pacifiers, and bottles. It means toys and baby gear that you are constantly tripping over. It means watching more Elmo, Nemo, Tangled, etc. than you care to admit(I can quote them in their entirety). It means handprint smudges all over the windows, T.V., and tables. Showers are a luxury that serve as my break from the chaos, make-up is done maybe once or twice a week, hair is mostly in ponytails, and fingernails...well I can't remember the last time I had the time to get my fingers or toes done let alone paint them myself. It means more water on the floor and all over me than in the bathtub by the end of bathtime.  by Adding even more to this already long list it means very little time as a couple, it means crying(and not just from the kids), it means poop and pee and not just in the diapers, it means cleaning up someone else's mess when they are sick and throwing up everywhere. I'm sure you all are curious where I am going with this but hear me out still. There is so much more to know...
It means giggles, and laughs, and "I love you Mommy!" It means love beyond your wildest dreams. It means snuggles and hugs that warm your soul. It means a little hand reaching out to you for your comfort and protection. It means little clothes that you can hardly believe use to fit them. It means the sweet smell of freshly bathed babies snuggled up to your chest with their bedtime snacks. It means dance parties and being silly. It means missing those little faces when you are away from them for awhile. It means squeals of delight and "Momeeeeee" when you walk in after a few hours away. It means smiles that melt your heart. It means tears of joy, fear, and happiness all at the same time.
1 kid can be a struggle at times and then you add 1 and the struggles can grow but the good outweighs the bad without question. All this to say that the decision to have kids is one you will never regret and to say that if you don't believe in love at first sight than you will after having your baby. My days can be long and hard and I get frustrated but I would not change anything for even a second. Our girls are joys in our lives even when one is screaming for a bottle and the other is throwing a temper tantrum because mommy said no when she asked for skittles. It is those moments that I have to laugh and remind myself that they are only little for so long and they grow up WAY too fast. I'm trying to figure out how Bridgette is 7 weeks (almost 8 weeks) old already. So kids are hard but as crazy as it is...I know we are not done with 2. I would honestly have 10 if Randy let me...but I know he might have something to say about that.
So there are my thoughts and I am sure fellow mothers can relate to these thoughts and sentiments. But cherish these days because far too soon they will be gone and we will long for those little snuggles and hands to hold. We will miss the smudges of little handprints all over the windows and the toys strewn about the house. "Choosing to have children is allowing your heart to walk around on the outside of your body."

Bridgette Corinne Birth Story

I have a feeling I don't have many followers or readers because honestly I suck as a blogger. But I love to do it when I get the chance. I get so upset when I realize it's been so long since I posted and I really do want to get better at it. So to those who still have an interest in my life here is a special story. Bridgette Corinne's birth story...
Bridgette was born on December 19th 2011. I had a scheduled induction and at my last appointment the week before they said that someone would call me sometime between 5 and 8am and if no one called then call them. The morning of December 19th came and I woke up at 3am for my normal pregnancy bathroom visit. When I climbed back into bed I remember laying there and saying "I am having a baby today." Very quickly followed with the thought of "I hope I am having a baby today." I had heard so many horror stories about really long labors with inductions and was worried maybe it would be days of labor. After those thoughts hit me my mind was going and there was no going back to sleep no matter how hard I tried.
Finally at 4:45 I gave up and just got out of bed all the while Randy was sleeping like a baby. How he slept so well I have no idea. I decided to go ahead and jump in the shower and took my phone with just in case we received a call. After getting out of the shower and starting to get ready I got the call at 5:28am saying, "can you be here by 6:30am?" I answered with a very enthusiastic "Of course!' and ran to tell Randy. there he was still sleeping away, but I woke him up and said, "Sweetie they called, lets go have our baby girl!" At that point is was just getting our final things together and getting out the door.
the 25 minute drive there seemed like the longest drive ever. We arrived at the hospital right at 6:30 and started the neverending check-in process. By 7am they got us to a room but we were still filling out papers, answering questions about our entire lives it seemed like, and getting poked and prodded on. At 8:30am the OB came in and checked on me and said my contractions without pitocin yet were anywhere from 9 to 16 minutes apart so they thought even without induction that day would have been Bridgette's birthday. i was 3cm dilated and 90% effaced at this point(which is what I was at my last appointment) and they broke my water to see if it would help regulate the contractions. By 9am contractions were 5 minutes apart and my nurse said, "congratulations, you are officially in labor." By 10am I was getting MUCH more uncomfortable and by 10:20am I asked for the epidural. Epidural is definitely a woman's best friend in labor USUALLY. By 10:45 I had my epidural that wasn't working very well and they said I was 7cm and 100% effaced. The epidural was making my stomach numb but almost ALL my pain was actually in my back and it was putting me in tears. Being told I went from 3cm to 7cm in 2 hours was definitely the only relief I felt and at least I knew the intense pain was working well and fast to get me to 10cm.By 11am I was calling my nurse in and telling her I needed to push and I needed to push now! She thought I was crazy since she had just checked me but she reluctantly checked me and said, "Oh, you are fully dilated now but don't push yet we  need to set up and call the doctor!" She called a bunch of people in to start setting stuff up since they hadn't even started to set things up yet and then tried to call the doctor. At this point I was crying in so much pain because the epidural NEVER did anything to help with the intense pressure and back pain I was feeling. Someone finally reported that the docotr would be over in a few minutes and he was across the street. Randy said that my face was definitely friendly one when I heard that and that i rolled my eyes. As each contraction came I was still in major pain and I continued to cry through each one. FINALLY at 11:30 our doctor cam waltzing in carrying a coffee and said  "so it's time to have a baby huh?' I gave him a nasty look i am sure and by time he got his scrubs on her head was already part way out without me pushing at all. after 1 small push her head was completely out and they realized why the epidural wasn't working, I had been in back labor because Bridgette had decided to be facing the wrong way as she came down. Stubborn girl! They turned her around and 1 more big push and she was out at 11:42am.
SO if you noticed the times on everything my actual labor was only 2hours and 42minutes long from start to finish. But with the amount of pain I was in I am glad it was short.
Bridgette Corinne was 8lbs 13oz and 20 and 1/4 inches long so about a pound heavier and almost 2 inches longer than Aspen was at birth. She was absolutely beautiful and Randy and I were both in awe of our beautiful new blessing. We were officially the proud parents of 2 beautiful girls and Randy now has 2 daddy's little princesses. He adores his little girls. We are excited to watch our girls grow as sisters and hopefully  as friends. Below is a couple pictures of our beautiful girls. The pictures were taken when Bridgette just turned 1 month old. We love our precious blessings so much!

Changes are coming...

This post finds us at a very different point in life than the last post I was able to make. Randy received a job as a youth pastor at a church in a small town in Iowa. The news and upcoming change to our location and life left us with much excitement and anticipation but also a reminiscing mindset of our families, friends, and the lives we had in Omaha. In July we made the move and we have been truly blessed by our new church family and the lives we have started to create here. After the move I hunkered down and settled right into the unpacking and trying to get our family settled into our new home thinking we would be here awhile(more details later in post).
August 3rd we had our big day or what I considered a big day in our lives. We had our first OB appointment here in Iowa and our 20 week ultrasound to measure the little bean and make sure everything was going well and the BIG BIG news...dun dun dun...you ready? Aspen is going to be the big sister to a BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL!!!! That's right we are having another precious girl. I had a gut feeling it was another girl and every time I have ever imagined/dreamt about our family it was always a bunch of little girls running around in our family. Maybe someday we will be blessed with a little boy as well but we are beyond excited for our new little girl and Randy is going to be wrapped yet again around the precious finger of another little princess. Princess number 2 also has already been named. SO we will be adding Bridgette Corinne to our family this December.
After our big ultrasound I buckled down even more with the nesting and trying to make our home ready for another baby girl. I started to get the nursery set up and was getting so excited when it almost seemed like it was ready except for a few small details. Then just about 2 and 1/2 weeks ago we went to one of our youth girls volleyball games and got to talking to her mom in the stands. This couple had bought a house across the street from the church and had completely stripped it down to the studs and was remodeling/rebuilding it. I mentioned that the house looked great and was going to be beautiful when it was all done. The house was nearing the finish line and they were were looking to sell it(which we are not wanting to buy until we pay down some student loans) but they would rent it to us with us being able to buy after we got some loans paid down. But first they wanted us to tour the house and be sure it would be someplace we would like. That was on a Thursday, then that Saturday they showed us around the house. It was absolutely beautiful. It is a 2 story with all 3 of the bedrooms on the 2nd level(the house we are in now has the kids room on the main level and the master bedroom in the basement which has always made us paranoid) and a good size bathroom that has the washer and dryer on the level with all the bedrooms which is also a great convenience. The main floor has 2 living room areas (1 will be a den with the computer and bookshelves), a huge dining room which will be the playroom since the kitchen is big enough for our table as well and it will be nice to have a huge play area on the main floor. The kitchen is beautiful with a big island and lots of cupboard space. Then there is also a huge bathroom on the main level and a mud room for the dog kennel, shoes, coats, etc.
This house is truly ideal for us and we are so excited at the opportunity to get into this house. After seeing it on Saturday we found out Sunday that the house could officially be ours and we would just have to wait to hear from them after they talked to the guy they had working on it to get a final timeline and a possible move in date. By that Wednesday (so less than a week after the whole idea/conversation began) we found out that the guy would be done by November 3rd and we could move in November 5th. A mere 2 and 1/2 weeks later...so yes folks after getting completely unpacked and getting settled and getting the nursery nearly completed we were packing again. But we are so excited and now we are moving 1 week from today. I will post pictures of the new house after the move. :)
And last but not least, Aspen. She is a big bad 2 year old now and I like to affectionately call her "Drama" it's basically her new nickname from me. She is very dramatic when she is unhappy and it's actually amusing/funny at times when she throws her hands up and then throws herself into the corners, couch cushions, etc, thinking it will get her what she wants. She is getting big and cuter by the day and I think she is going to make a great big sister. She is starting to mommy her stuffed animals and occasionally a doll(for some reason dolls don't appeal to her as much as all her stuffed animals). She likes to put her animals into the swing and start it up, buckle them into the carseat, put them in the bouncer etc.  She even put her little cow into the bouncer one day, covered it with a blanket and said "shhhh, she sleepin." It made my heart melt all over again. She is so darn cute and I am so excited to see her be a big sister.
That is life currently and we are loving it. We have our days/ weeks that are struggles just like any family due to whatever reason life has thrown at us. But we have enjoyed our new ministry here and are looking forward to the adventures to come.

The end and the beginning all at the same time...

Yes I know I have not posted since January! I apologize profusely for the lack of posts on my part. But I am very proud to say that I started and completed my student teaching and I have officially graduated from Grace with my Elementary Education degree, my Associates in Bible, and an ESL endorsement. I am done with school FOREVER...or until many many years from now when I decide to maybe get my masters but that is not even close to the forefront of my mind right now.
My new role/job in life you ask well...dun dun dun...I am going to be a stay at home mom to precious Aspen and  to a new little bean that we are expecting on Christmas Eve ( hoping he/she makes their appearance a few days early though). Yes folks we are expecting again and so hopeful with this one. So far we have had to good ultrasounds and when I was 7weeks 4 days we saw a heartbeat of 158 beats per minute. Today I am 9 weeks and 4 days so it's been two weeks since seeing the bean and I can't help but be nervous and hope/pray that everything is still going ok in there. I have had a lot of nausea with this pregnancy and have been really tired at times so the continuation of symptoms I guess should be comforting right now but I will continue to be worried until I have another appointment and either see the bean again or hear the heartbeat with a doppler. Below is the picture of Aspen wearing her "Big Sister" shirt which is how we told people we were expecting again. All the reactions were priceless and so exciting.

 This picture is another recent one of Aspen when we were playing at her friend Peyton's house. She was riding in his Cozy Coupe! Such a big girl!

So life is good and in a week and a half we go for a candidate weekend for a possible new job for Randy that is looking extremely likely. I will fill you all in more on that hopefully tomorrow!

A New Year...and the past is in the past

Today is the first of 2011 and with that my mind races. 2010 was a year of so many emotions and roller coaster rides. I got to watch my precious girl grow, start to walk, and see her become a babbling toddler and a little adventurer. I got to celebrate 2 years of marriage with the love of my life. I started and completed my last and final semester of classes at Grace. Got to see the love of friends grow and their beautiful weddings to bind themselves permanently. I got to experience the joy and excitement of the thought of bringing a precious sibling for Aspen into the world.  And the most painful memory and thought of the year is a mere few days later finding out that the precious child that we shared joy over was not meant to join us in out earthly family. But instead that precious angel baby sits in God's lap and is watched over by my great grandmother and Randy's grandmother and waits for us to someday join them.

As much pain as this has brought I can not say my year was the worst either. Because with the precious ones in my life that are there for me every day and that give me the reason to to wake up every day and have brought more joy into my life than ever even thought possible. I am truly blessed and adore Randy and Aspen and they are my daily reminders of how much God loves me and has blessed me over the years. So with these blessings I start a new year and have new hopes, dreams, and life adventures that lay before me. We have so much to look forward to this year like in a mere few days I start my student teaching,  both of us graduating from Grace, the excitement of the unknown as Randy looks for a pastoral position somewhere, and we get another year to watch our precious Aspen grow and learn.

Our God is with us and he knows the plans that have been laid for us. We just have to look forward and enjoy the adventure of life that God has laid before us. With that I look forward to the new year with great hope and anticipation and I can only hope and pray that my friends and family do the same. So here is to the new year, the wondrous mystery of it all, and the hopes that this year brings much joy, happiness, and brings our family closer to God.
And since I have had a lack of pictures in awhile here is my dear Aspen at 15 months...

Today I have gone through a wave of sadness...

It came out of nowhere and I do not know what even brought it on...but I had a wave of sadness today that was hard to break. Christmas day I would have just passed the 14 week mark for the baby I lost. I would be giddy with excitement of the new year and the new baby it would bring. Instead, I found myself holding the little stocking I got for the baby and crying. The stocking that would never be used and would never carry a name but one that represents a piece of my heart. My heart will always be missing that little piece but I have to continue to remind myself that God has a plan far greater than our own and He has a reason for everything in our lives. I can say that Aspen when she is older will know of her little sibling and how much they meant to mommy. So my comfort today came from a women on thebump.com who posts daily encouragement for women on the miscarriage and pregnancy loss board. It's a poem that hit home for me today and I had to share,

Spending Christmas with Jesus this Year

I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below

With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars,

reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular,

please wipe away the tear

For I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs

that people hold so dear

But the sounds of music can't compare

with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,

the joy their voices bring,

For it is beyond description,

to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,

I see the pain inside your heart.

But I am not so far away,

We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,

You know I hold you dear.

And be glad I'm spending Christmas

with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,

from my heavenly home above.

I sent you each a memory

of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift

more precious than pure gold.

was always most important

the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,

my Father said to do.

I can't count the blessing or love

has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas

and Wipe away that tear

Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year

And another month has gone by...

Not that I have any avid readers or anything but for anyone who has been waiting for another post I am truly sorry for the silence in the last month. Between my miscarriage, the end of my final semester in classes, and the holidays things have gotten insane. So here is the last month in a nutshell:

• Went to the Hearts at Home conference in Rochester, MN and had an amazing time with the women from my church...who knew that playing musical cars on a road trip could be so much fun.
• Aspen pushed through 4 teeth so far just since December 1st and is working on a 5th.
• Thanksgiving was awesome and a much needed break from school before the finals and final week of classes inducement of hibernation.
• Finished my last semester of classes last week.
• So far 5 out of 8 grades have come back and they are all A's! So far I have madde the Dean's list this semester.
• Decorated for Christmas. (See pic below) And even put up a little stocking for the little nugget we lost. Comforting to see the little one represented this Christmas.
• Met and gotten to know the students and teachers I will be working with for my student teaching starting in January.
• Randy turned in a resume to be a youth pastor at a church that sounds like an awesome fit for us. And not we wait until after the first of the year to hear whats going on with that.
• And for the past week have gotten to spend some great quality time with Aspen since this last semester sadly I felt like I cheated her of my time.

So overall a good month and a half and hopefully I will now be able to keep posts coming. I am so looking forward to what is to come. And as promised above here is my favorite little girl trying to be the Christmas tree! She decided the lights looked better on her than on the tree.

[IMG]http://i53.tinypic.com/3502p7p.jpg[/IMG]

I can't act like it didn't happen...

Some people know and many more don't mainly because my heart aches to talk about it! But on Sunday October 17 we found out the most exciting news even though it was shocking as well. A pesky little pee stick showed 2 lines. One being faint but very noticably there. My mind started a wirlwind of emotions including excitement, fear, joy, and worry. All normal emotions when you find out you are bringing a new little one into this world. I had started accepting this news and was so overjoyed with the idea of giving Aspen a sibling so close in age.

Wednesday October 20th is my heart broke and now there will forever be a little piece that is missing. The 20th I had some funny cramping and chalked it up to the normal cramping you can sometimes feel in the first weeks of pregnancy. Then that afternoon I started bleeding. Through some calls to the nurse line and talking with one I learned that my body was going through a natural miscarriage. This baby was leaving us and all the sadness in the world came over me. We had just hit the stage of acceptance and excitement and all of a sudden this precious one was taken from us. They told me that since my body started to miscarry naturally they didn't need me to come in but listed of symptoms to look for that would indicate I needed to be seen.

I have to say that I never truly imagined how I would feel if I was ever put through this situation and I certainly did not know how I would react. But I can say I am handling it a lot better than I ever thought I would. I was pregnant and that will always be my second pregnancy and my second baby. I will always think of myself as a mother of two now but I just never got to meet my second little peanut. I can not act like it did not happen because that would be saying that there was not a life in me and there was.

But I can say is that God has a plan more grand than I can even imagine. He has a purpose and a time for everything. He had bigger plans for that little one with Him and I will entrust Him with my precious child. I am confident that I will someday be pregnant again and that God will give me a new baby to love and cuddle and Aspen will be a big sister. When we will, I do not know but I will trust in God's timing and His precious love for us!

This post is more for me to write out my thoughts of my loss and I know some would be inclined to feel sad for me. And that is ok but also be happy for me because I have learned that even in the hardest of situations I was able to deal with my feelings without anger but with trust and reliance on our perfect and compassionate God who holds us up when we fall and comforts us in our sadness.

"1.O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. 2.You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3.You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4.Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. 5.You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. 6.Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. 7.Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8.If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9.If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10.even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 11.If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," 12.even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 13.For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful," Psalm 139:1-14

One day at a time...

One day at a time I can get past this heartache...my heart broke on Wednesday and it's so hard to mend. So please if you are one of belief and faith. Please pray for me, for me emotional and physical healing, and just for hope for what our future will be. My heart breaks for what could have been and would have been but God had different plans I guess. So I pray God since I can't hold that little one to tell them about you...will you hold them and tell them about me?

I don't know what else to type right now because tears just keep on coming. But I will say that fall is all around and Aspen just loves the crunchy leaves and exploring her changing world and watching her brings a whole new outlook on things around me. Have you ever tried to look at things through a child's eyes? I decided to try the other day and got down on her level. I got down on my hands and news and explored the house with her for about an hour that way. The world seems so big and you feel so small...but my little fearless girl took on everything around her without a second thought. She is so completely fearless that it scares me to death at times. But oh how much fun she will be as she gets bigger and even more rambunctious. I definitely think we have a sprts player on our hands with the way she attacks things.

On the school note this week was fall break. The first paragraph though sums up how much it so that it really wasn't a good fall break. There were a couple highlights...but for the most part it just really wasn't the highlight it should have been. I did take the Praxis II and pass with flying colors and I only have 5 and 1/2 more weeks until I'm done with all my classes. Also waiting on Student teaching placement. Beyond that life is just going on and the wheels keep on turning.

So that emotional thing...

It has struck me again! This morning found myself reading these blogs while sweet Aspen slept for her morning nap. And I cried, full blown sobbing. These three blogs are written by some very strong women who have faced the worst fear that anyone who has a child could imagine. They lost their dear sweet ones to circumstances beyond their control.
http://www.rubybaby09.blogspot.com/ Lost her sweet dear Nolan after he was born too soon. She is pregnant again but her dear boy is never far from her mind. His memory and her pain will always be in her life.

http://lovingmy2girls.blogspot.com/ Lost her Sophie at her full term too some overlooked pre-ecclempsia issues. If doctors had taken her blood pressure concerns seriously sooner maybe Sophie would be here today. She has had a son since she lost Sophie but she carries her lost daughter with her everday.

http://onceamother.blogspot.com/ This one hits me hard. This mother gave birth to a full term what she thought was healthy baby girl named Peyton. After the birth they find out that their daughter had infant Leukemia and probably wouldn't make it because treatment would be so hard on such a little body. After about a month they had to say their good-byes and they lost sweet Peyron. She is now pregnant with twins but she also still carries her precious girl with her everyday.

This women have been through the kind of heartbreak that even breaks my heart as a mother. The thought of losing my dear sweet Aspen makes me tear up and I just don't think I could handle that. Being a mother is such a precious gift and not one that comes with ease. Most people don't understand the true heartbreak losing a child is unless they are a mother themselves and felt that amazing connection with such a little person. The connection is strong and the relationship is one not only of family members but of the actual need to have that maybe. After those pesky little pee sticks tell you that you have another life growing in you, you connect this little person with your life, dreams, and desires. You not only want this life but you NEED this life. They are a part of you and you are a part of its.

These blogs about these women make me cry because I don't know the heartbreak but can imagine it after having my own daughter. And I cry because I feel horrible that they will never get to see their children grow up and thrive. But these women don't need my sympathy they just simply ask for the world to acknowledge those babies who are taken from our world too soon. These women probably never dreamed their children and stories would reach and touch the hearts of so many people they don't know or have never met. I am going to start praying for these women on a daily basis. Not only these women but every woman who has ever been in similar shoes to these women and have lost their sweet babies too soon.

So every day I will pray, give Aspen extra hugs and kisses, and remember these sweet children that have become angels and watch over their families. I also ask each of my readers however few there may be that you take a minute to pray for the women out there who have lost their babies. Pray for their comfort, encouragement, and peace and hope to be in their lives.

Since when have I ever been this emotional...

The answer: Since I became a mom!
This one little word and title has been mine for almost a year now! I am a mom, I kiss booboos, give hugs, play goofy games, tickle her just to hear her giggle and adore her sweet little face. God has blessed me with the prestigious title of mom but sometimes I wish he wouldn't have given me such an emotional side with it.

I was the girl that never cried...heck before Aspen was born Randy had only seen me cry a total of 2 times in the total of 3 years. But it's like you become a mom and the emotional dam breaks loose. I tear up with her tears, I tear up with her laughs, and I tear up at the memories of everything. I am tearing up as I write this and I don't even know how to stop it!
I once heard a quote that says, "Deciding to have a child is deciding to forever have your heart outside of you walking around!" And I can't even tell you how much this quote is fitting. Aspen is my special girl and the last couple days have been the worst for me emotionally! Aspen is turning one this month...THIS MONTH! Can you hardly believe that it has been a year? Her party is this Sunday and being the nostalgic one I have been only since her birth I have made the mistake of looking through all her baby pictures. Bad idea!!
Looking at her baby pictures and looking at her now is just crazy. How she has grown, changed, and become this little person right before my eyes. I miss my little baby that would just sit in my arms staring and cooing at me...now she won't sit in my arms but instead runs around and yells loud babbles at me.
Aspen is such a sassy little thing and she has this personality that is so intriguing. I can't wait to see her grow and change more but I will always remember those days of cuddling and rocking. So as I watch my little girl grow and change I will continue to tear up at the memories of past...not because I can truly help it but God bestowed the gift of emotions on moms and as hard as they try not to,  their emotions are always out there for all to see. After all my heart is not in me instead it's running around in the body of a sassy little girl that captured it with her first breath and hasn't given it back since! Being a mom is magical!

Summer days...drifting away...

Well the whole blogging thing over the summer...yeah didn't work out so well. It was a crazy busy summer but it definitely was a fun one. I worked 5 days a week nannying for Jared and Benjamin again. They have gotten so big this last year and it was even harder on the last day this year then last. You put yourself into the lives of the little ones and get attached and then you don't see them all the time anymore. It's definitely weird.

We also took Aspen and heading out to Monroe for a long weekend with Tim, Trina, and Mike. It was great to see Dan, Meg, and their boys. All the boys have gotten so big. The weekend was a blast and all but coming home was a rough transition. Aspen was getting crankier then usual after returning and had a diaper rash thatkept getting worse and never got better. Finally we took her into the pediatrician's to see what the problem was we found out that she had a yeast infection and then they also looked at a little bump on her leg and we found out she also had a staph infection. Thank goodness we caught that early. It was the MRSA strand and was caught so early and she is perfectly fine now but it was definitely scary.

We also had a long weekend out camping while Aspen stayed with Randy's parents. The camping was so fun and we had a great time being baby free, swimming in the lake, reading books for fun, and just laying out in the sun. I got a little burnt but within a week it had all turned to a tan.

Now about 2 weeks ago classes started back up in school. It's my last semester WOOHOO! But it's a crazy crazy one. I am taking 19 credit hours and feel like I never get to see Aspen much. Thankfully she still remembers who I am when I do see her! :) I just keep reminding myself that after this semester I am done and all I have left is the student teaching this spring semester. I am scared/nervous for student teaching but also so excited it should be a fun experience.

Oh and in case you didn't know Aspen is doing GREAT! She's walking all over now and really becoming quite the personality. She turns one in less than a month and I can hardly believe it. I don't know where the time has gone. It definitely doesn't feel like it's been a year already. Her party theme is going to be ladybugs and I am hand-making all the decorations myself so let the insanity begin. Thankfully I made the banner and invites and all over the summer. I'll definitely be putting pictures up after her party in a few weeks.

That's life as of currently and I am writing down "blog" in my planner to make it a more consistent thing. I actually think it will be a nice break from school work. :) I hope everyone else is having a great week and that their labor day is a restful one if I don't blog until until after. God Bless!

The end is here...SO ready!

Tomorrow is my last class for the semester and I am so freaking thankful!! I have been crazy busy this week with my units and all and today finished the one due tomorrow. Thank God for summer breaks from school. The good news is only one more semester of classes and then I have my student teaching the end is near!!! Next year at this time I will be a college graduate!!! WooHoo!

Onto other recent happenings! On April 30, my little bebes turned 7 months old! I can hardly believe she is so old already. It seriously feels like just yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital. I get teary eyed when I think of her getting so old already! So in honor of her 7 monthday her are her 7 monthday pictures I took! That face is just so stinking precious!!

Then last week we started another journey that we are excited for! We started cloth diapering. If you know me well I never thought I would be able to do cloth diapering because of the gross factor. But the numbers are in our favor when it comes to saving money that way! So the journey has begun. So far I am actually enjoying it and it has not been anywhere near as bad as I thought. So here are some pics of my little stinker modeling in her Bum Genius 3.0 cloth diapers. They are so stinking cute!

On to other matters. This last Sunday was my very 1st Mother's Day and our 2 year anniversary! Randy did very well and I had a great day! I got perfume for our anniversary, a Salon and Spa gift card for Mother's Day, and I suppsoedly have something else coming soon but I'm not allowed to know yet. So we'll see! I hope everyone has had a gret couple weeks and I will try and write soon! God Bless everyone!

The end is near...

School is going to be coming to an end for the semester so soon and I am so excited for summer and all the fun that goes along with that. I'll be nannying again so that will be fun and I get to take Aspen with me so that will definitely be an adventure, but an adventure I am definitely looking forward to.

So to back track a little bit...Aspen's 6 month appointment was great she was 17lbs 2oz and 25 and 1/2 inches long! So pretty average for her age. She had lots of shots which then led to screams in my ears for 5 minutes. And yes most of you would say "Duh! She just had shots!" and yes yes she did BUT stupid mommy thought that the shots were the reason...and no no they were not. The true culprit of all the screams folks was the nurse...the nurse holding down her legs while she gave the shots. Aspen HATES when her legs are being held down and she can't move them. How do we know this you ask, well, the nurse wasn't holding down her leg for one of the shots and Aspen didn't so much as flinch or cry. I have got a very odd baby.

Then a few days I decided I need to do my toe nails and then realized the Aspen's toes needed a little something to...the results is a creepy picture showing how much her feet look like mine...so for your enjoyment...our cute little tootsies.

And because I am good like that...her cute little toes matched her Easter dress. Easter went beautifully and Aspen did very well with all the shuffling around town and from house to house. I was thoroughly surprised with how well she did. She did so well in fact that we had no idea until Monday the day after Easter that her 1st tooth had come in over the weekend. It's crazy how much she is changing and growing. I really wish I would slow down time. But alas, I am not God so that would be impossible. And here is another picture for your enjoyment of my little bebes on Easter with her "basket!" I made the basket myself and painted the letters and added the furry trim...everything...I was so proud at how it turned out. And it was filled with teethers, new pacifiers, a couple rubber ducks(which Goliath decided were his), and the DVD of Snow White. Then of course the weather has FINALLY started to get nicer and we have been going on more walksso of course I decided Aspen has to ride ready for the sun. So one Target trip that was supposed to be for laundry detergent ended with this cute purchase as well...baby sunglasses...who knew they made something so logical for babies too?

With this nicer weather also brings about another one of Randy's favorite parts of the year...can anyone take a guess what? If you guessed baseball....DING DING DING you get a prize. It is baseball season and dear Randy is a very big fan of the Minnesota Twins and he decided he needs to starting training Aspen to cheer for the right team. So the result is this picture...do you think her chewing on the hat means anything?

Just can't get enough of that cute face can you! I can't either...but she is just getting so big and it's scary how much she has been changing...she is getting to the size in fact that its becoming a pain in the tush to lug around her infant seat all the time. Her 17 pounds plus the 10 pound seat is a lot to carry on one arm...so the solution is....TA DA

Her new convertible carseat...a Graco MyRide 65! She actually has 2 one for Randy's car and one for mine. We are so tired of switching carseats back and forth so of course the locial solution is 2 by 2...so 243 dollars(including an awesome new stroller) later we have her awesome new carseats. And if you know anything about her stroller she had it drives Randy and I up the flippin' wall. It has a wheel that squeaks like no other no matter what we do...no amount of WD-40 has been able to stop it and it's gotten to the point where we were avoiding taking walks or anything that involves a stroller... but I am definitely not going to carry her every where. So what does resourceful mommy do...she pulls out every Babies R Us coupon she can find and heads out with Aspen in tow. I'm sure I was quite the sight putting her in numerous strollers and car seats before finding the perfect ones and then making it up to the checkout. Well sort of... a employee had to help drag one of the car seat boxes to the front because there was no way I was able to get both car seats and stroller in the cart. Anywho sorry for the digression. I got up to the register and they did their thing with the coupons and drum roll please...I SAVED $163 with those coupons. The total would have been nearly 400 without those coupons but with them I spent only $243! I'm such a resourceful mommy. Oh...and here is the stroller I got...it's a Trendsport and very sleek looking if I may say so myself...

Oh...and remember how I said that we have 2 carseats one for his car one for mine? Well it's actually not going to be a car for me any more. I am getting my Mommy vehicle. We are getting a 2006 Dodge Grand Caravan and I am sooooo EXCITED. Randy's car finally pooped out and the result is me getting a new van and Randy will drive the Taurus. The extra space will be SOOOOO nice. Ok...I think I am done for now..but will definitely post soon and hopefully with pics of the new ride! :) God Bless Everyone!

Just another day in...

Paradise?? Well honestly it's just another day in a coffee induced state of awakeness. It's been one of those days...you other moms know what I mean. One of the days that getting stuff done seems impossible, your child is fussy without reason and is hard to comfort, the dog has been exceptionally whiney and needy, in the attempt to do laundry today a load is still in the washer after 2 hours waiting to be switched, homework, is only about half done and barely understandable in the first place, and I am on my 5th cup of coffee. Yes, that's right you read it right. My 5th!!!!

As you read this you may also be asking well what is she doning blogging if she has all that to do...well in case you aren't a parent the idea of getting to do what you want when you want as a paretn is non existent (I know that even non-parents don't have that luxury all the time either...but they usually get it more than parents do)! This is the first time I have been able to sit down and have a few minutes to myself and I am taking the chance and deciding to blog. *Shakes finger at myself* Bad mommy!

So back to my day! I firmly believe I should be taking a stock in coffee and I can definitely confirm that since joining the ranks of mommyhood I have trie numerous roasts, flavored, non flavored, and dozens of different flavors of creamers as well. I think that the coffee companies probably make a pretty penny from my investment in their products. Oh...and the best coffee drink by far I can't make but invest money into on a basis far too often then it should be....the Vanilla Light Starbuck's Energy Drink!!!!! So good and the thought makes me even more thirsty for one!

Ok back to the ongoings of life. Last week was spring break and it was very uneventful, the no classes was great but Randy had a painful abcess so that consumed two days of trying to even figure out what it was how to fix the pain and a urgent care visit and 297 dollars later he is now fine and we are thankful to have gotten it fixed. Then for one of the ideas I had the worst headache that I have EVER had in my life so it resulted in my laying on the couch when Aspen was occupied while Randy worked and praying that she would stay content and occupied until my headache finally went away. Thank God t finally went away. St. Patrick's Day consisted of me going to AWANA since I am the director and that was not the way I really wanted to spend St. Patty's but alas I had no choice. Oh and on a side note I don't have to Direct for them next year and I am passing the reigns to someone else. So glad to be able to have my Wednesday nights back. And I digressed again...

So I hear Aspen stirring in her room already so WOOT for that 20minute nap. Thank God she at least sleeps through the night. But I will leave you with these pictures. Aspen on St. Patty's with her Clover headband, one with her dad, and I also decided to pain her toes last Friday and so there is a picture of your cute pudgy feet...oh and one in her jumper..cause she jsut looked so stinking cute! Enjoy.

It's a miracle...

Posts 2 days in a row...who h=would have imagined that happening...but there is a reason. We have the conference this weekend and naturally I should be packing Aspen's bag for grandma Linda's. One little problem though...I put Aspen down for a nap in her room...and yes that's right her room is where all her stuff is that needs to be packed...do I dare go in and start packing and risk disturbing the sleeping giant...lol! Nope nope I think not...so alas I sit here and drink my coffee and wait for Randy to get home from work this morning.

Oh and the question that I am sure that is on everyone's mind after my last post.......the answer to where I slept last night.....*drumroll plays*
On the floor of her room...yes folks, I was that mother that is having a hard time letting her baby get older and I slept right next to her crib on the floor so I could easily check on her and Goliath curled up and slet next to me as well. That sleeping arrangement last until 5am when Randy got up for work, he woke me up and I moved to the bed for the last hour and a half or so of her sleep.
Definitely NEVER thought I would be this kind of mother and the emotional wreck Aspen has turned me into. But it is all worth it... I can not imagine life without her. Everytime I think about the moms that lose their babies or all different reasons my heart breaks and I feel saddened that the precious gifts would be taken from them. Like precious Olivia, I would be such a wreck after losing a child and her mother is such a strong woman. I can not believe how well she has perservered. I know that it can't be easy for her but she still keeps going. Olivia was beautiful and she has a story that will forever live in my heart. Then my dear friend that had to give birth to her sleeping baby boy on her actual due date...made it all the way to her 40 week appointment to find out his heart stopped beating. I just can't fathom the heartache. Everytime I think of these stories I hug Aspen a little tighter and when I am frustrated with her their stories remind me that I am getting to experience something that others do not no matter how hard they wish. I will forever be astounded by the women and the heartache they went through and they still carry it with them. I am grateful that I have my baby girl and will never understand why God takes some babies home before they ever really live. But his plan is the ultimate and I truly think that maybe they really were just too beautiful for Earth.

School will be the death of me...

So being a mother is the most amazing thing in my life that I have been able to experience. But add being a student in there and I feel like my life is just overly stretched out. I want to finish school but sometimes I get so tired and frustrated with it all that I sometimes wish I could quit...but then I have to remember that Randy probably has it so much worse then I do...he does school, being a father, and work. So I know he proabably has the stress even worse.

On an Aspen update she is almost 5 and 1/2 months old and getting bigger by the day. Even though she is growing she is still small for her age she is only 15lbs and 24inches long but because of her body shape and size she is still wearing 0-3 month clothes. She is still as adorable as ever and I feel blessed every day when she looks at me and smiles. The gift of motherhood is amazing and she is truly my greatest treasure in life. Oh...and Aspen is starting to teach me that she is not so little anymore. She has still been sleeping in the playpen bassinet next to my side of the bed and love being able to roll over and check on her during the night. But tonight Randy went to bed and when I tried to put her to bed she kept moving around, kicking the sides of the bassinet and just being very difficult. Randy was frustrated because he has to be up early in the morning and she was keeping him awake. So I took her and rocked her for awhile and even that didn't appease her. So I finally reluctantly put her in her crib and within 5 minutes she was out. I am so nervous about leaving her in there tonight...and wouldn't be surprised if I end up sleeping in there tonight I have become so emotional as a mom...I found myself crying today about the fact that she is soon to be 6months old. It seems like just yesterday she was born. Motherhood definitely has changed me in ways I never thought.

Now to let you guys in more on Randy and I...we are good beyond the whole busyness of life. This weekend I am psyched that we get to go to the "Weekend to Remember" marriage conference at the Hilton downtown. We went last year and loved it so I am so excited to go back and brush up on the skils we learned and to really get to spend some quality time with just Randy and I...it has been so long since we have had quality time together. Aspen will be with Grandma Linda and Grandpa Kim for the weekend. I know she will be perfectly fine and completely trust Linda with Aspen but I just can't help feel nervous more for me then for her. I will miss her.

I think that is about all I have for today...if you have made it to the end then I would have to give props to you! Hope God blesses you this weekend and I will update this next week (I will be on spring break next week).