Bridgette Corinne Birth Story

I have a feeling I don't have many followers or readers because honestly I suck as a blogger. But I love to do it when I get the chance. I get so upset when I realize it's been so long since I posted and I really do want to get better at it. So to those who still have an interest in my life here is a special story. Bridgette Corinne's birth story...
Bridgette was born on December 19th 2011. I had a scheduled induction and at my last appointment the week before they said that someone would call me sometime between 5 and 8am and if no one called then call them. The morning of December 19th came and I woke up at 3am for my normal pregnancy bathroom visit. When I climbed back into bed I remember laying there and saying "I am having a baby today." Very quickly followed with the thought of "I hope I am having a baby today." I had heard so many horror stories about really long labors with inductions and was worried maybe it would be days of labor. After those thoughts hit me my mind was going and there was no going back to sleep no matter how hard I tried.
Finally at 4:45 I gave up and just got out of bed all the while Randy was sleeping like a baby. How he slept so well I have no idea. I decided to go ahead and jump in the shower and took my phone with just in case we received a call. After getting out of the shower and starting to get ready I got the call at 5:28am saying, "can you be here by 6:30am?" I answered with a very enthusiastic "Of course!' and ran to tell Randy. there he was still sleeping away, but I woke him up and said, "Sweetie they called, lets go have our baby girl!" At that point is was just getting our final things together and getting out the door.
the 25 minute drive there seemed like the longest drive ever. We arrived at the hospital right at 6:30 and started the neverending check-in process. By 7am they got us to a room but we were still filling out papers, answering questions about our entire lives it seemed like, and getting poked and prodded on. At 8:30am the OB came in and checked on me and said my contractions without pitocin yet were anywhere from 9 to 16 minutes apart so they thought even without induction that day would have been Bridgette's birthday. i was 3cm dilated and 90% effaced at this point(which is what I was at my last appointment) and they broke my water to see if it would help regulate the contractions. By 9am contractions were 5 minutes apart and my nurse said, "congratulations, you are officially in labor." By 10am I was getting MUCH more uncomfortable and by 10:20am I asked for the epidural. Epidural is definitely a woman's best friend in labor USUALLY. By 10:45 I had my epidural that wasn't working very well and they said I was 7cm and 100% effaced. The epidural was making my stomach numb but almost ALL my pain was actually in my back and it was putting me in tears. Being told I went from 3cm to 7cm in 2 hours was definitely the only relief I felt and at least I knew the intense pain was working well and fast to get me to 10cm.By 11am I was calling my nurse in and telling her I needed to push and I needed to push now! She thought I was crazy since she had just checked me but she reluctantly checked me and said, "Oh, you are fully dilated now but don't push yet we  need to set up and call the doctor!" She called a bunch of people in to start setting stuff up since they hadn't even started to set things up yet and then tried to call the doctor. At this point I was crying in so much pain because the epidural NEVER did anything to help with the intense pressure and back pain I was feeling. Someone finally reported that the docotr would be over in a few minutes and he was across the street. Randy said that my face was definitely friendly one when I heard that and that i rolled my eyes. As each contraction came I was still in major pain and I continued to cry through each one. FINALLY at 11:30 our doctor cam waltzing in carrying a coffee and said  "so it's time to have a baby huh?' I gave him a nasty look i am sure and by time he got his scrubs on her head was already part way out without me pushing at all. after 1 small push her head was completely out and they realized why the epidural wasn't working, I had been in back labor because Bridgette had decided to be facing the wrong way as she came down. Stubborn girl! They turned her around and 1 more big push and she was out at 11:42am.
SO if you noticed the times on everything my actual labor was only 2hours and 42minutes long from start to finish. But with the amount of pain I was in I am glad it was short.
Bridgette Corinne was 8lbs 13oz and 20 and 1/4 inches long so about a pound heavier and almost 2 inches longer than Aspen was at birth. She was absolutely beautiful and Randy and I were both in awe of our beautiful new blessing. We were officially the proud parents of 2 beautiful girls and Randy now has 2 daddy's little princesses. He adores his little girls. We are excited to watch our girls grow as sisters and hopefully  as friends. Below is a couple pictures of our beautiful girls. The pictures were taken when Bridgette just turned 1 month old. We love our precious blessings so much!

Changes are coming...

This post finds us at a very different point in life than the last post I was able to make. Randy received a job as a youth pastor at a church in a small town in Iowa. The news and upcoming change to our location and life left us with much excitement and anticipation but also a reminiscing mindset of our families, friends, and the lives we had in Omaha. In July we made the move and we have been truly blessed by our new church family and the lives we have started to create here. After the move I hunkered down and settled right into the unpacking and trying to get our family settled into our new home thinking we would be here awhile(more details later in post).
August 3rd we had our big day or what I considered a big day in our lives. We had our first OB appointment here in Iowa and our 20 week ultrasound to measure the little bean and make sure everything was going well and the BIG BIG news...dun dun dun...you ready? Aspen is going to be the big sister to a BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL!!!! That's right we are having another precious girl. I had a gut feeling it was another girl and every time I have ever imagined/dreamt about our family it was always a bunch of little girls running around in our family. Maybe someday we will be blessed with a little boy as well but we are beyond excited for our new little girl and Randy is going to be wrapped yet again around the precious finger of another little princess. Princess number 2 also has already been named. SO we will be adding Bridgette Corinne to our family this December.
After our big ultrasound I buckled down even more with the nesting and trying to make our home ready for another baby girl. I started to get the nursery set up and was getting so excited when it almost seemed like it was ready except for a few small details. Then just about 2 and 1/2 weeks ago we went to one of our youth girls volleyball games and got to talking to her mom in the stands. This couple had bought a house across the street from the church and had completely stripped it down to the studs and was remodeling/rebuilding it. I mentioned that the house looked great and was going to be beautiful when it was all done. The house was nearing the finish line and they were were looking to sell it(which we are not wanting to buy until we pay down some student loans) but they would rent it to us with us being able to buy after we got some loans paid down. But first they wanted us to tour the house and be sure it would be someplace we would like. That was on a Thursday, then that Saturday they showed us around the house. It was absolutely beautiful. It is a 2 story with all 3 of the bedrooms on the 2nd level(the house we are in now has the kids room on the main level and the master bedroom in the basement which has always made us paranoid) and a good size bathroom that has the washer and dryer on the level with all the bedrooms which is also a great convenience. The main floor has 2 living room areas (1 will be a den with the computer and bookshelves), a huge dining room which will be the playroom since the kitchen is big enough for our table as well and it will be nice to have a huge play area on the main floor. The kitchen is beautiful with a big island and lots of cupboard space. Then there is also a huge bathroom on the main level and a mud room for the dog kennel, shoes, coats, etc.
This house is truly ideal for us and we are so excited at the opportunity to get into this house. After seeing it on Saturday we found out Sunday that the house could officially be ours and we would just have to wait to hear from them after they talked to the guy they had working on it to get a final timeline and a possible move in date. By that Wednesday (so less than a week after the whole idea/conversation began) we found out that the guy would be done by November 3rd and we could move in November 5th. A mere 2 and 1/2 weeks later...so yes folks after getting completely unpacked and getting settled and getting the nursery nearly completed we were packing again. But we are so excited and now we are moving 1 week from today. I will post pictures of the new house after the move. :)
And last but not least, Aspen. She is a big bad 2 year old now and I like to affectionately call her "Drama" it's basically her new nickname from me. She is very dramatic when she is unhappy and it's actually amusing/funny at times when she throws her hands up and then throws herself into the corners, couch cushions, etc, thinking it will get her what she wants. She is getting big and cuter by the day and I think she is going to make a great big sister. She is starting to mommy her stuffed animals and occasionally a doll(for some reason dolls don't appeal to her as much as all her stuffed animals). She likes to put her animals into the swing and start it up, buckle them into the carseat, put them in the bouncer etc.  She even put her little cow into the bouncer one day, covered it with a blanket and said "shhhh, she sleepin." It made my heart melt all over again. She is so darn cute and I am so excited to see her be a big sister.
That is life currently and we are loving it. We have our days/ weeks that are struggles just like any family due to whatever reason life has thrown at us. But we have enjoyed our new ministry here and are looking forward to the adventures to come.

The end and the beginning all at the same time...

Yes I know I have not posted since January! I apologize profusely for the lack of posts on my part. But I am very proud to say that I started and completed my student teaching and I have officially graduated from Grace with my Elementary Education degree, my Associates in Bible, and an ESL endorsement. I am done with school FOREVER...or until many many years from now when I decide to maybe get my masters but that is not even close to the forefront of my mind right now.
My new role/job in life you ask well...dun dun dun...I am going to be a stay at home mom to precious Aspen and  to a new little bean that we are expecting on Christmas Eve ( hoping he/she makes their appearance a few days early though). Yes folks we are expecting again and so hopeful with this one. So far we have had to good ultrasounds and when I was 7weeks 4 days we saw a heartbeat of 158 beats per minute. Today I am 9 weeks and 4 days so it's been two weeks since seeing the bean and I can't help but be nervous and hope/pray that everything is still going ok in there. I have had a lot of nausea with this pregnancy and have been really tired at times so the continuation of symptoms I guess should be comforting right now but I will continue to be worried until I have another appointment and either see the bean again or hear the heartbeat with a doppler. Below is the picture of Aspen wearing her "Big Sister" shirt which is how we told people we were expecting again. All the reactions were priceless and so exciting.

 This picture is another recent one of Aspen when we were playing at her friend Peyton's house. She was riding in his Cozy Coupe! Such a big girl!

So life is good and in a week and a half we go for a candidate weekend for a possible new job for Randy that is looking extremely likely. I will fill you all in more on that hopefully tomorrow!

A New Year...and the past is in the past

Today is the first of 2011 and with that my mind races. 2010 was a year of so many emotions and roller coaster rides. I got to watch my precious girl grow, start to walk, and see her become a babbling toddler and a little adventurer. I got to celebrate 2 years of marriage with the love of my life. I started and completed my last and final semester of classes at Grace. Got to see the love of friends grow and their beautiful weddings to bind themselves permanently. I got to experience the joy and excitement of the thought of bringing a precious sibling for Aspen into the world.  And the most painful memory and thought of the year is a mere few days later finding out that the precious child that we shared joy over was not meant to join us in out earthly family. But instead that precious angel baby sits in God's lap and is watched over by my great grandmother and Randy's grandmother and waits for us to someday join them.

As much pain as this has brought I can not say my year was the worst either. Because with the precious ones in my life that are there for me every day and that give me the reason to to wake up every day and have brought more joy into my life than ever even thought possible. I am truly blessed and adore Randy and Aspen and they are my daily reminders of how much God loves me and has blessed me over the years. So with these blessings I start a new year and have new hopes, dreams, and life adventures that lay before me. We have so much to look forward to this year like in a mere few days I start my student teaching,  both of us graduating from Grace, the excitement of the unknown as Randy looks for a pastoral position somewhere, and we get another year to watch our precious Aspen grow and learn.

Our God is with us and he knows the plans that have been laid for us. We just have to look forward and enjoy the adventure of life that God has laid before us. With that I look forward to the new year with great hope and anticipation and I can only hope and pray that my friends and family do the same. So here is to the new year, the wondrous mystery of it all, and the hopes that this year brings much joy, happiness, and brings our family closer to God.
And since I have had a lack of pictures in awhile here is my dear Aspen at 15 months...

Today I have gone through a wave of sadness...

It came out of nowhere and I do not know what even brought it on...but I had a wave of sadness today that was hard to break. Christmas day I would have just passed the 14 week mark for the baby I lost. I would be giddy with excitement of the new year and the new baby it would bring. Instead, I found myself holding the little stocking I got for the baby and crying. The stocking that would never be used and would never carry a name but one that represents a piece of my heart. My heart will always be missing that little piece but I have to continue to remind myself that God has a plan far greater than our own and He has a reason for everything in our lives. I can say that Aspen when she is older will know of her little sibling and how much they meant to mommy. So my comfort today came from a women on thebump.com who posts daily encouragement for women on the miscarriage and pregnancy loss board. It's a poem that hit home for me today and I had to share,

Spending Christmas with Jesus this Year

I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below

With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars,

reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular,

please wipe away the tear

For I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs

that people hold so dear

But the sounds of music can't compare

with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,

the joy their voices bring,

For it is beyond description,

to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,

I see the pain inside your heart.

But I am not so far away,

We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,

You know I hold you dear.

And be glad I'm spending Christmas

with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,

from my heavenly home above.

I sent you each a memory

of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift

more precious than pure gold.

was always most important

the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,

my Father said to do.

I can't count the blessing or love

has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas

and Wipe away that tear

Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year

And another month has gone by...

Not that I have any avid readers or anything but for anyone who has been waiting for another post I am truly sorry for the silence in the last month. Between my miscarriage, the end of my final semester in classes, and the holidays things have gotten insane. So here is the last month in a nutshell:

• Went to the Hearts at Home conference in Rochester, MN and had an amazing time with the women from my church...who knew that playing musical cars on a road trip could be so much fun.
• Aspen pushed through 4 teeth so far just since December 1st and is working on a 5th.
• Thanksgiving was awesome and a much needed break from school before the finals and final week of classes inducement of hibernation.
• Finished my last semester of classes last week.
• So far 5 out of 8 grades have come back and they are all A's! So far I have madde the Dean's list this semester.
• Decorated for Christmas. (See pic below) And even put up a little stocking for the little nugget we lost. Comforting to see the little one represented this Christmas.
• Met and gotten to know the students and teachers I will be working with for my student teaching starting in January.
• Randy turned in a resume to be a youth pastor at a church that sounds like an awesome fit for us. And not we wait until after the first of the year to hear whats going on with that.
• And for the past week have gotten to spend some great quality time with Aspen since this last semester sadly I felt like I cheated her of my time.

So overall a good month and a half and hopefully I will now be able to keep posts coming. I am so looking forward to what is to come. And as promised above here is my favorite little girl trying to be the Christmas tree! She decided the lights looked better on her than on the tree.

[IMG]http://i53.tinypic.com/3502p7p.jpg[/IMG]

I can't act like it didn't happen...

Some people know and many more don't mainly because my heart aches to talk about it! But on Sunday October 17 we found out the most exciting news even though it was shocking as well. A pesky little pee stick showed 2 lines. One being faint but very noticably there. My mind started a wirlwind of emotions including excitement, fear, joy, and worry. All normal emotions when you find out you are bringing a new little one into this world. I had started accepting this news and was so overjoyed with the idea of giving Aspen a sibling so close in age.

Wednesday October 20th is my heart broke and now there will forever be a little piece that is missing. The 20th I had some funny cramping and chalked it up to the normal cramping you can sometimes feel in the first weeks of pregnancy. Then that afternoon I started bleeding. Through some calls to the nurse line and talking with one I learned that my body was going through a natural miscarriage. This baby was leaving us and all the sadness in the world came over me. We had just hit the stage of acceptance and excitement and all of a sudden this precious one was taken from us. They told me that since my body started to miscarry naturally they didn't need me to come in but listed of symptoms to look for that would indicate I needed to be seen.

I have to say that I never truly imagined how I would feel if I was ever put through this situation and I certainly did not know how I would react. But I can say I am handling it a lot better than I ever thought I would. I was pregnant and that will always be my second pregnancy and my second baby. I will always think of myself as a mother of two now but I just never got to meet my second little peanut. I can not act like it did not happen because that would be saying that there was not a life in me and there was.

But I can say is that God has a plan more grand than I can even imagine. He has a purpose and a time for everything. He had bigger plans for that little one with Him and I will entrust Him with my precious child. I am confident that I will someday be pregnant again and that God will give me a new baby to love and cuddle and Aspen will be a big sister. When we will, I do not know but I will trust in God's timing and His precious love for us!

This post is more for me to write out my thoughts of my loss and I know some would be inclined to feel sad for me. And that is ok but also be happy for me because I have learned that even in the hardest of situations I was able to deal with my feelings without anger but with trust and reliance on our perfect and compassionate God who holds us up when we fall and comforts us in our sadness.

"1.O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. 2.You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3.You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4.Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. 5.You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. 6.Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. 7.Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8.If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9.If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10.even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 11.If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," 12.even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 13.For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful," Psalm 139:1-14