Tuesday, September 28, 2010

So that emotional thing...

It has struck me again! This morning found myself reading these blogs while sweet Aspen slept for her morning nap. And I cried, full blown sobbing. These three blogs are written by some very strong women who have faced the worst fear that anyone who has a child could imagine. They lost their dear sweet ones to circumstances beyond their control. Lost her sweet dear Nolan after he was born too soon. She is pregnant again but her dear boy is never far from her mind. His memory and her pain will always be in her life. Lost her Sophie at her full term too some overlooked pre-ecclempsia issues. If doctors had taken her blood pressure concerns seriously sooner maybe Sophie would be here today. She has had a son since she lost Sophie but she carries her lost daughter with her everday. This one hits me hard. This mother gave birth to a full term what she thought was healthy baby girl named Peyton. After the birth they find out that their daughter had infant Leukemia and probably wouldn't make it because treatment would be so hard on such a little body. After about a month they had to say their good-byes and they lost sweet Peyron. She is now pregnant with twins but she also still carries her precious girl with her everyday.

This women have been through the kind of heartbreak that even breaks my heart as a mother. The thought of losing my dear sweet Aspen makes me tear up and I just don't think I could handle that. Being a mother is such a precious gift and not one that comes with ease. Most people don't understand the true heartbreak losing a child is unless they are a mother themselves and felt that amazing connection with such a little person. The connection is strong and the relationship is one not only of family members but of the actual need to have that maybe. After those pesky little pee sticks tell you that you have another life growing in you, you connect this little person with your life, dreams, and desires. You not only want this life but you NEED this life. They are a part of you and you are a part of its.

These blogs about these women make me cry because I don't know the heartbreak but can imagine it after having my own daughter. And I cry because I feel horrible that they will never get to see their children grow up and thrive. But these women don't need my sympathy they just simply ask for the world to acknowledge those babies who are taken from our world too soon. These women probably never dreamed their children and stories would reach and touch the hearts of so many people they don't know or have never met. I am going to start praying for these women on a daily basis. Not only these women but every woman who has ever been in similar shoes to these women and have lost their sweet babies too soon.

So every day I will pray, give Aspen extra hugs and kisses, and remember these sweet children that have become angels and watch over their families. I also ask each of my readers however few there may be that you take a minute to pray for the women out there who have lost their babies. Pray for their comfort, encouragement, and peace and hope to be in their lives.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Since when have I ever been this emotional...

The answer: Since I became a mom!
This one little word and title has been mine for almost a year now! I am a mom, I kiss booboos, give hugs, play goofy games, tickle her just to hear her giggle and adore her sweet little face. God has blessed me with the prestigious title of mom but sometimes I wish he wouldn't have given me such an emotional side with it.

I was the girl that never cried...heck before Aspen was born Randy had only seen me cry a total of 2 times in the total of 3 years. But it's like you become a mom and the emotional dam breaks loose. I tear up with her tears, I tear up with her laughs, and I tear up at the memories of everything. I am tearing up as I write this and I don't even know how to stop it!
I once heard a quote that says, "Deciding to have a child is deciding to forever have your heart outside of you walking around!" And I can't even tell you how much this quote is fitting. Aspen is my special girl and the last couple days have been the worst for me emotionally! Aspen is turning one this month...THIS MONTH! Can you hardly believe that it has been a year? Her party is this Sunday and being the nostalgic one I have been only since her birth I have made the mistake of looking through all her baby pictures. Bad idea!!
Looking at her baby pictures and looking at her now is just crazy. How she has grown, changed, and become this little person right before my eyes. I miss my little baby that would just sit in my arms staring and cooing at she won't sit in my arms but instead runs around and yells loud babbles at me.
Aspen is such a sassy little thing and she has this personality that is so intriguing. I can't wait to see her grow and change more but I will always remember those days of cuddling and rocking. So as I watch my little girl grow and change I will continue to tear up at the memories of past...not because I can truly help it but God bestowed the gift of emotions on moms and as hard as they try not to,  their emotions are always out there for all to see. After all my heart is not in me instead it's running around in the body of a sassy little girl that captured it with her first breath and hasn't given it back since! Being a mom is magical!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Summer days...drifting away...

Well the whole blogging thing over the summer...yeah didn't work out so well. It was a crazy busy summer but it definitely was a fun one. I worked 5 days a week nannying for Jared and Benjamin again. They have gotten so big this last year and it was even harder on the last day this year then last. You put yourself into the lives of the little ones and get attached and then you don't see them all the time anymore. It's definitely weird.

We also took Aspen and heading out to Monroe for a long weekend with Tim, Trina, and Mike. It was great to see Dan, Meg, and their boys. All the boys have gotten so big. The weekend was a blast and all but coming home was a rough transition. Aspen was getting crankier then usual after returning and had a diaper rash thatkept getting worse and never got better. Finally we took her into the pediatrician's to see what the problem was we found out that she had a yeast infection and then they also looked at a little bump on her leg and we found out she also had a staph infection. Thank goodness we caught that early. It was the MRSA strand and was caught so early and she is perfectly fine now but it was definitely scary.

We also had a long weekend out camping while Aspen stayed with Randy's parents. The camping was so fun and we had a great time being baby free, swimming in the lake, reading books for fun, and just laying out in the sun. I got a little burnt but within a week it had all turned to a tan.

Now about 2 weeks ago classes started back up in school. It's my last semester WOOHOO! But it's a crazy crazy one. I am taking 19 credit hours and feel like I never get to see Aspen much. Thankfully she still remembers who I am when I do see her! :) I just keep reminding myself that after this semester I am done and all I have left is the student teaching this spring semester. I am scared/nervous for student teaching but also so excited it should be a fun experience.

Oh and in case you didn't know Aspen is doing GREAT! She's walking all over now and really becoming quite the personality. She turns one in less than a month and I can hardly believe it. I don't know where the time has gone. It definitely doesn't feel like it's been a year already. Her party theme is going to be ladybugs and I am hand-making all the decorations myself so let the insanity begin. Thankfully I made the banner and invites and all over the summer. I'll definitely be putting pictures up after her party in a few weeks.

That's life as of currently and I am writing down "blog" in my planner to make it a more consistent thing. I actually think it will be a nice break from school work. :) I hope everyone else is having a great week and that their labor day is a restful one if I don't blog until until after. God Bless!