Update and Letter to our Baby Bean...

I have a couple spare minutes to try and give an update so here I am. This past week has been a good one and Valentine's Day celebrations were very sweet here. This weekend we had Randy's parents in town to spend some time with us and it was SO NICE and we absolutely loved having them here. They spoiled us with some meals out which was a nice break from cooking. My grandparents were also able to make it up on Saturday to have lunch with us. I was in heaven. I love them so much and it can be really hard that I can't just pick up and pop in on them spur of the moment like I use to before we moved. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy our lives here and the people we have with us here but there is nothing like family and it's hard being a distance away from them.
On another note my heart ached a bit yesterday during sunday school with our youth. Randy was teaching and he was talking about Heaven and what it takes to get there. The topic of babies/little children, and unborn babies came up. For the first time since it happened Randy actually brought up the miscarriage we had in October 2010. He told the youth, "When you lose a child a hole is left in your heart, but Kimmie and I take comfort in the fact that we know that someday we know we will meet our baby in Heaven!" I couldn't control myself and my eyes filled with tears. Filled with tears of sadness at the thought of that precious baby we had lost, filled with tears of understanding as he admitted the hole that will always be in our hearts, and filled with tears of joy at the knowledge that we WILL meet that precious baby bean someday. I wrote a letter to our baby bean and I am writing it here just to get it out.
Baby Bean-
We never got to know whether you were a beautiful baby girl or handsome baby boy so mommy decided to affectionately call you baby bean. Mommy just wants to let you know that you are very deeply missed and our lives have never been the same since we lost you. Your short existence in our lives taught us so much. It taught us about love, joy, loss, hope, and strength...overall the biggest one for mommy was strength. Losing you broke mommy and daddy's heart and has left a small hole in it. But that hole proves a goo reminder of you and what you have taught us. After we lost you mommy had a hard time trying to move on. Your big sister Aspen is really what helped me get out of bed in the morning. I would hug her and tell her about she was a big sister to a bean we wouldn't meet here but someday when we went to heaven we would.
You my precious bean are sitting in the lap of our precious God who holds you tight and loves you so much. I can't wait until I get the chance to hug you and hold you and meet you for the very first time. I often wonder what you would have looked like. Would you have daddy's eyes or would you look like mommy, would you like sports or be more into reading...these things I will never know. But I do know that you are loved so deeply that it literally causes an ache in mommy's heart.
I also wanted to tell you bean that you have a little sister. Her name is Bridgette and she is absolutely beautiful.  I am sure that you would have made a great big brother or sister. But know that you will never be forgotten you were our second baby. You are too precious to have ever been forgotten. I am a mommy to 2 beautiful girls and a precious angel that got to climb into the lap of Jesus far sooner that mommy would have liked and watches over us. My heart and arms ache for you and I will always miss you little bean. I will meet you someday and until then will live my life here on Earth and hope to make you proud of your mommy.
Remember that your mommy and daddy love you and can't wait to meet their precious bean.
Love, Mommy

Bethel Mission...But what about the single father's?

So this weekend was a little bit of a hectic weekend in our house. Saturday morning was the AWANA Grand Prix which was just fun in general to go and watch what kids did with their cars and see them race them. Our AWANA kids are so darn creative with those things. It was so fun to see how excited they were about their cars and to race. We even had skype viewers all the way from Scotland. A few of our kids were just visiting family for a few months on their parents "leave" from work and had to return recently. But they had made cars and wanted to see how they would do so their grandma brought in her laptop and had skype up the whole time so they could watch the racing. It was really neat. The rest of Saturday consisted of us doing normal chores/cleaning around the house and some grocery shopping all while trying to maintain our sanity and composure with a 2 year old who clearly was on a sugar high and had WAY too much sugar. Imagine a rubber bouncy ball put in a room made of rubber. So once it starts it would just never stop. It would keep going...and going...and going...like that energizer bunny. Yes folks, that was our little miss Aspen. Trying to corral her, keep patience with her, and keep up with her in general was a task all in itself. Sugar also seemed to make Aspen have some poor judgement choices. So we did have a few timeouts as a result.

Sunday was a normal morning of our church going and hanging out with the youth for Sunday School and then our church service. After church is when things got busier. There was a fundraiser for the band at the high school, they were putting on a Valentine's breakfast of pancakes, eggs, sausage, coffee, milk, etc. So we head up there to see some of our youth and enjoy the delicious food. It really was good. Then it was a matter of getting Aspen down for a nap and Randy and I finishing preparation for the trip to Bethel Mission (a part of Hope Ministries) we were taking the youth to last night. People in our church and in the community were SO generous with giving us things to take with us for the women and children. When randy planned this trip he learned of the moms with children living in one of the facilities and wanted to do something special for them for Valentine's Day. So as a church/youth group we collected items for the moms and kids to give as gifts. We wound up being able to make gift bags for each mom that included 2 boxes of chocolate, a lotion, and a single red rose. Then for the kids we decorated a bunch of shoe boxes to make them look like valentine's boxes you make in school and filly them with candy, valentines, little toys, etc. And one of our youth girls actually sewed a bunch of bags together as well so each would also get a homemade bag with some goodies in it and have something to carry their stuff in. We also were able to take a bunch of craft supplies and coloring books that would be hard to divide into boxes that they could pass out to the children themselves.

When we went it was to a different facility then where the women with children stayed. It was the center for men. Jordanne the women who helped us get set up with a time to go and all was there and told us about the different centers they have, the people they cater to, the needs they have, and gave us a tour of that particular facility. She also told us about the special year long to 2 year long programs that they offer to help people get back on their feet, by offering schooling, helping them get jobs, etc. Throughout her whole spiel she accepted questions and there was one I had to ask...I was a little wary of asking but I did muster up the courage to ask, "What about single fathers who have kids, do you have a place for them?" I wasn't completely surprised but at the same time my heart sunk. I don't understand why centers for the homeless will provide housing for single men, single women, and women with children, but they can't take men with children. I know it is not something seen often but it is out there. I always think back to when I was living with my dad. What if one of these programs would have had a place for us to stay...a single father with a daughter. How would a program liked that helped my dad and changed him. Would I have had to move in with my grandparents? would our lives have been different? There are so many what if's that run through my mind and all I can think about are the children out there to single father's that are in need of help. I hope someday there will be a place for them to turn where they won't get turned away and they can get the help they need before it's too late and their kids are taken from them. A child should never have to deal with the heartache of being taken from their dad. I truly hope someday there will be a place for men with children and who know's maybe I will be a part in it's creation.
thankfully for my sake I had wonderful grandparents who raised me and became my "mom and dad' but what if they wouldn't have had too! That's alL I have for today!

Life with 2...

SO a chance to post 2 days in a row...a miracle right...well in this household it can be. I am hoping even if not every day I can get on here a few times a week because it helps me relax and get thoughts out. The thought for today...2 kids!?! Whose idea was this?!?
Ok, So now take all the negative thoughts/ways that those words could have been taken and put them aside for me and hear me out here. I have many friends who are unsure whether to have kids let alone multiple kids and some who are unsure whether to have more than their 1. SO I am going to try and give you some thoughts to help you sort some thoughts out.
Having my 2nd now...sleeping when the baby sleeps, yeah right!!! It's more like get a gulp of coffee while the baby sleeps so you can keep up with the 2 year old. It means the house is not always clean(which if you know me and Randy this part is hard for us), it means dishes are not always done and piles of laundry can litter the bedrooms and laundry room. It means counters, tables, arms of furniture covered with burp cloths, pacifiers, and bottles. It means toys and baby gear that you are constantly tripping over. It means watching more Elmo, Nemo, Tangled, etc. than you care to admit(I can quote them in their entirety). It means handprint smudges all over the windows, T.V., and tables. Showers are a luxury that serve as my break from the chaos, make-up is done maybe once or twice a week, hair is mostly in ponytails, and fingernails...well I can't remember the last time I had the time to get my fingers or toes done let alone paint them myself. It means more water on the floor and all over me than in the bathtub by the end of bathtime.  by Adding even more to this already long list it means very little time as a couple, it means crying(and not just from the kids), it means poop and pee and not just in the diapers, it means cleaning up someone else's mess when they are sick and throwing up everywhere. I'm sure you all are curious where I am going with this but hear me out still. There is so much more to know...
It means giggles, and laughs, and "I love you Mommy!" It means love beyond your wildest dreams. It means snuggles and hugs that warm your soul. It means a little hand reaching out to you for your comfort and protection. It means little clothes that you can hardly believe use to fit them. It means the sweet smell of freshly bathed babies snuggled up to your chest with their bedtime snacks. It means dance parties and being silly. It means missing those little faces when you are away from them for awhile. It means squeals of delight and "Momeeeeee" when you walk in after a few hours away. It means smiles that melt your heart. It means tears of joy, fear, and happiness all at the same time.
1 kid can be a struggle at times and then you add 1 and the struggles can grow but the good outweighs the bad without question. All this to say that the decision to have kids is one you will never regret and to say that if you don't believe in love at first sight than you will after having your baby. My days can be long and hard and I get frustrated but I would not change anything for even a second. Our girls are joys in our lives even when one is screaming for a bottle and the other is throwing a temper tantrum because mommy said no when she asked for skittles. It is those moments that I have to laugh and remind myself that they are only little for so long and they grow up WAY too fast. I'm trying to figure out how Bridgette is 7 weeks (almost 8 weeks) old already. So kids are hard but as crazy as it is...I know we are not done with 2. I would honestly have 10 if Randy let me...but I know he might have something to say about that.
So there are my thoughts and I am sure fellow mothers can relate to these thoughts and sentiments. But cherish these days because far too soon they will be gone and we will long for those little snuggles and hands to hold. We will miss the smudges of little handprints all over the windows and the toys strewn about the house. "Choosing to have children is allowing your heart to walk around on the outside of your body."

Bridgette Corinne Birth Story

I have a feeling I don't have many followers or readers because honestly I suck as a blogger. But I love to do it when I get the chance. I get so upset when I realize it's been so long since I posted and I really do want to get better at it. So to those who still have an interest in my life here is a special story. Bridgette Corinne's birth story...
Bridgette was born on December 19th 2011. I had a scheduled induction and at my last appointment the week before they said that someone would call me sometime between 5 and 8am and if no one called then call them. The morning of December 19th came and I woke up at 3am for my normal pregnancy bathroom visit. When I climbed back into bed I remember laying there and saying "I am having a baby today." Very quickly followed with the thought of "I hope I am having a baby today." I had heard so many horror stories about really long labors with inductions and was worried maybe it would be days of labor. After those thoughts hit me my mind was going and there was no going back to sleep no matter how hard I tried.
Finally at 4:45 I gave up and just got out of bed all the while Randy was sleeping like a baby. How he slept so well I have no idea. I decided to go ahead and jump in the shower and took my phone with just in case we received a call. After getting out of the shower and starting to get ready I got the call at 5:28am saying, "can you be here by 6:30am?" I answered with a very enthusiastic "Of course!' and ran to tell Randy. there he was still sleeping away, but I woke him up and said, "Sweetie they called, lets go have our baby girl!" At that point is was just getting our final things together and getting out the door.
the 25 minute drive there seemed like the longest drive ever. We arrived at the hospital right at 6:30 and started the neverending check-in process. By 7am they got us to a room but we were still filling out papers, answering questions about our entire lives it seemed like, and getting poked and prodded on. At 8:30am the OB came in and checked on me and said my contractions without pitocin yet were anywhere from 9 to 16 minutes apart so they thought even without induction that day would have been Bridgette's birthday. i was 3cm dilated and 90% effaced at this point(which is what I was at my last appointment) and they broke my water to see if it would help regulate the contractions. By 9am contractions were 5 minutes apart and my nurse said, "congratulations, you are officially in labor." By 10am I was getting MUCH more uncomfortable and by 10:20am I asked for the epidural. Epidural is definitely a woman's best friend in labor USUALLY. By 10:45 I had my epidural that wasn't working very well and they said I was 7cm and 100% effaced. The epidural was making my stomach numb but almost ALL my pain was actually in my back and it was putting me in tears. Being told I went from 3cm to 7cm in 2 hours was definitely the only relief I felt and at least I knew the intense pain was working well and fast to get me to 10cm.By 11am I was calling my nurse in and telling her I needed to push and I needed to push now! She thought I was crazy since she had just checked me but she reluctantly checked me and said, "Oh, you are fully dilated now but don't push yet we  need to set up and call the doctor!" She called a bunch of people in to start setting stuff up since they hadn't even started to set things up yet and then tried to call the doctor. At this point I was crying in so much pain because the epidural NEVER did anything to help with the intense pressure and back pain I was feeling. Someone finally reported that the docotr would be over in a few minutes and he was across the street. Randy said that my face was definitely friendly one when I heard that and that i rolled my eyes. As each contraction came I was still in major pain and I continued to cry through each one. FINALLY at 11:30 our doctor cam waltzing in carrying a coffee and said  "so it's time to have a baby huh?' I gave him a nasty look i am sure and by time he got his scrubs on her head was already part way out without me pushing at all. after 1 small push her head was completely out and they realized why the epidural wasn't working, I had been in back labor because Bridgette had decided to be facing the wrong way as she came down. Stubborn girl! They turned her around and 1 more big push and she was out at 11:42am.
SO if you noticed the times on everything my actual labor was only 2hours and 42minutes long from start to finish. But with the amount of pain I was in I am glad it was short.
Bridgette Corinne was 8lbs 13oz and 20 and 1/4 inches long so about a pound heavier and almost 2 inches longer than Aspen was at birth. She was absolutely beautiful and Randy and I were both in awe of our beautiful new blessing. We were officially the proud parents of 2 beautiful girls and Randy now has 2 daddy's little princesses. He adores his little girls. We are excited to watch our girls grow as sisters and hopefully  as friends. Below is a couple pictures of our beautiful girls. The pictures were taken when Bridgette just turned 1 month old. We love our precious blessings so much!