Today I have gone through a wave of sadness...

It came out of nowhere and I do not know what even brought it on...but I had a wave of sadness today that was hard to break. Christmas day I would have just passed the 14 week mark for the baby I lost. I would be giddy with excitement of the new year and the new baby it would bring. Instead, I found myself holding the little stocking I got for the baby and crying. The stocking that would never be used and would never carry a name but one that represents a piece of my heart. My heart will always be missing that little piece but I have to continue to remind myself that God has a plan far greater than our own and He has a reason for everything in our lives. I can say that Aspen when she is older will know of her little sibling and how much they meant to mommy. So my comfort today came from a women on thebump.com who posts daily encouragement for women on the miscarriage and pregnancy loss board. It's a poem that hit home for me today and I had to share,

Spending Christmas with Jesus this Year

I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below

With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars,

reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular,

please wipe away the tear

For I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs

that people hold so dear

But the sounds of music can't compare

with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,

the joy their voices bring,

For it is beyond description,

to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,

I see the pain inside your heart.

But I am not so far away,

We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,

You know I hold you dear.

And be glad I'm spending Christmas

with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,

from my heavenly home above.

I sent you each a memory

of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift

more precious than pure gold.

was always most important

the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,

my Father said to do.

I can't count the blessing or love

has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas

and Wipe away that tear

Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year

And another month has gone by...

Not that I have any avid readers or anything but for anyone who has been waiting for another post I am truly sorry for the silence in the last month. Between my miscarriage, the end of my final semester in classes, and the holidays things have gotten insane. So here is the last month in a nutshell:

• Went to the Hearts at Home conference in Rochester, MN and had an amazing time with the women from my church...who knew that playing musical cars on a road trip could be so much fun.
• Aspen pushed through 4 teeth so far just since December 1st and is working on a 5th.
• Thanksgiving was awesome and a much needed break from school before the finals and final week of classes inducement of hibernation.
• Finished my last semester of classes last week.
• So far 5 out of 8 grades have come back and they are all A's! So far I have madde the Dean's list this semester.
• Decorated for Christmas. (See pic below) And even put up a little stocking for the little nugget we lost. Comforting to see the little one represented this Christmas.
• Met and gotten to know the students and teachers I will be working with for my student teaching starting in January.
• Randy turned in a resume to be a youth pastor at a church that sounds like an awesome fit for us. And not we wait until after the first of the year to hear whats going on with that.
• And for the past week have gotten to spend some great quality time with Aspen since this last semester sadly I felt like I cheated her of my time.

So overall a good month and a half and hopefully I will now be able to keep posts coming. I am so looking forward to what is to come. And as promised above here is my favorite little girl trying to be the Christmas tree! She decided the lights looked better on her than on the tree.

[IMG]http://i53.tinypic.com/3502p7p.jpg[/IMG]

I can't act like it didn't happen...

Some people know and many more don't mainly because my heart aches to talk about it! But on Sunday October 17 we found out the most exciting news even though it was shocking as well. A pesky little pee stick showed 2 lines. One being faint but very noticably there. My mind started a wirlwind of emotions including excitement, fear, joy, and worry. All normal emotions when you find out you are bringing a new little one into this world. I had started accepting this news and was so overjoyed with the idea of giving Aspen a sibling so close in age.

Wednesday October 20th is my heart broke and now there will forever be a little piece that is missing. The 20th I had some funny cramping and chalked it up to the normal cramping you can sometimes feel in the first weeks of pregnancy. Then that afternoon I started bleeding. Through some calls to the nurse line and talking with one I learned that my body was going through a natural miscarriage. This baby was leaving us and all the sadness in the world came over me. We had just hit the stage of acceptance and excitement and all of a sudden this precious one was taken from us. They told me that since my body started to miscarry naturally they didn't need me to come in but listed of symptoms to look for that would indicate I needed to be seen.

I have to say that I never truly imagined how I would feel if I was ever put through this situation and I certainly did not know how I would react. But I can say I am handling it a lot better than I ever thought I would. I was pregnant and that will always be my second pregnancy and my second baby. I will always think of myself as a mother of two now but I just never got to meet my second little peanut. I can not act like it did not happen because that would be saying that there was not a life in me and there was.

But I can say is that God has a plan more grand than I can even imagine. He has a purpose and a time for everything. He had bigger plans for that little one with Him and I will entrust Him with my precious child. I am confident that I will someday be pregnant again and that God will give me a new baby to love and cuddle and Aspen will be a big sister. When we will, I do not know but I will trust in God's timing and His precious love for us!

This post is more for me to write out my thoughts of my loss and I know some would be inclined to feel sad for me. And that is ok but also be happy for me because I have learned that even in the hardest of situations I was able to deal with my feelings without anger but with trust and reliance on our perfect and compassionate God who holds us up when we fall and comforts us in our sadness.

"1.O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. 2.You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3.You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4.Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. 5.You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. 6.Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. 7.Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8.If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9.If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10.even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 11.If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," 12.even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 13.For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful," Psalm 139:1-14

One day at a time...

One day at a time I can get past this heartache...my heart broke on Wednesday and it's so hard to mend. So please if you are one of belief and faith. Please pray for me, for me emotional and physical healing, and just for hope for what our future will be. My heart breaks for what could have been and would have been but God had different plans I guess. So I pray God since I can't hold that little one to tell them about you...will you hold them and tell them about me?

I don't know what else to type right now because tears just keep on coming. But I will say that fall is all around and Aspen just loves the crunchy leaves and exploring her changing world and watching her brings a whole new outlook on things around me. Have you ever tried to look at things through a child's eyes? I decided to try the other day and got down on her level. I got down on my hands and news and explored the house with her for about an hour that way. The world seems so big and you feel so small...but my little fearless girl took on everything around her without a second thought. She is so completely fearless that it scares me to death at times. But oh how much fun she will be as she gets bigger and even more rambunctious. I definitely think we have a sprts player on our hands with the way she attacks things.

On the school note this week was fall break. The first paragraph though sums up how much it so that it really wasn't a good fall break. There were a couple highlights...but for the most part it just really wasn't the highlight it should have been. I did take the Praxis II and pass with flying colors and I only have 5 and 1/2 more weeks until I'm done with all my classes. Also waiting on Student teaching placement. Beyond that life is just going on and the wheels keep on turning.

So that emotional thing...

It has struck me again! This morning found myself reading these blogs while sweet Aspen slept for her morning nap. And I cried, full blown sobbing. These three blogs are written by some very strong women who have faced the worst fear that anyone who has a child could imagine. They lost their dear sweet ones to circumstances beyond their control.
http://www.rubybaby09.blogspot.com/ Lost her sweet dear Nolan after he was born too soon. She is pregnant again but her dear boy is never far from her mind. His memory and her pain will always be in her life.

http://lovingmy2girls.blogspot.com/ Lost her Sophie at her full term too some overlooked pre-ecclempsia issues. If doctors had taken her blood pressure concerns seriously sooner maybe Sophie would be here today. She has had a son since she lost Sophie but she carries her lost daughter with her everday.

http://onceamother.blogspot.com/ This one hits me hard. This mother gave birth to a full term what she thought was healthy baby girl named Peyton. After the birth they find out that their daughter had infant Leukemia and probably wouldn't make it because treatment would be so hard on such a little body. After about a month they had to say their good-byes and they lost sweet Peyron. She is now pregnant with twins but she also still carries her precious girl with her everyday.

This women have been through the kind of heartbreak that even breaks my heart as a mother. The thought of losing my dear sweet Aspen makes me tear up and I just don't think I could handle that. Being a mother is such a precious gift and not one that comes with ease. Most people don't understand the true heartbreak losing a child is unless they are a mother themselves and felt that amazing connection with such a little person. The connection is strong and the relationship is one not only of family members but of the actual need to have that maybe. After those pesky little pee sticks tell you that you have another life growing in you, you connect this little person with your life, dreams, and desires. You not only want this life but you NEED this life. They are a part of you and you are a part of its.

These blogs about these women make me cry because I don't know the heartbreak but can imagine it after having my own daughter. And I cry because I feel horrible that they will never get to see their children grow up and thrive. But these women don't need my sympathy they just simply ask for the world to acknowledge those babies who are taken from our world too soon. These women probably never dreamed their children and stories would reach and touch the hearts of so many people they don't know or have never met. I am going to start praying for these women on a daily basis. Not only these women but every woman who has ever been in similar shoes to these women and have lost their sweet babies too soon.

So every day I will pray, give Aspen extra hugs and kisses, and remember these sweet children that have become angels and watch over their families. I also ask each of my readers however few there may be that you take a minute to pray for the women out there who have lost their babies. Pray for their comfort, encouragement, and peace and hope to be in their lives.

Since when have I ever been this emotional...

The answer: Since I became a mom!
This one little word and title has been mine for almost a year now! I am a mom, I kiss booboos, give hugs, play goofy games, tickle her just to hear her giggle and adore her sweet little face. God has blessed me with the prestigious title of mom but sometimes I wish he wouldn't have given me such an emotional side with it.

I was the girl that never cried...heck before Aspen was born Randy had only seen me cry a total of 2 times in the total of 3 years. But it's like you become a mom and the emotional dam breaks loose. I tear up with her tears, I tear up with her laughs, and I tear up at the memories of everything. I am tearing up as I write this and I don't even know how to stop it!
I once heard a quote that says, "Deciding to have a child is deciding to forever have your heart outside of you walking around!" And I can't even tell you how much this quote is fitting. Aspen is my special girl and the last couple days have been the worst for me emotionally! Aspen is turning one this month...THIS MONTH! Can you hardly believe that it has been a year? Her party is this Sunday and being the nostalgic one I have been only since her birth I have made the mistake of looking through all her baby pictures. Bad idea!!
Looking at her baby pictures and looking at her now is just crazy. How she has grown, changed, and become this little person right before my eyes. I miss my little baby that would just sit in my arms staring and cooing at me...now she won't sit in my arms but instead runs around and yells loud babbles at me.
Aspen is such a sassy little thing and she has this personality that is so intriguing. I can't wait to see her grow and change more but I will always remember those days of cuddling and rocking. So as I watch my little girl grow and change I will continue to tear up at the memories of past...not because I can truly help it but God bestowed the gift of emotions on moms and as hard as they try not to,  their emotions are always out there for all to see. After all my heart is not in me instead it's running around in the body of a sassy little girl that captured it with her first breath and hasn't given it back since! Being a mom is magical!

Summer days...drifting away...

Well the whole blogging thing over the summer...yeah didn't work out so well. It was a crazy busy summer but it definitely was a fun one. I worked 5 days a week nannying for Jared and Benjamin again. They have gotten so big this last year and it was even harder on the last day this year then last. You put yourself into the lives of the little ones and get attached and then you don't see them all the time anymore. It's definitely weird.

We also took Aspen and heading out to Monroe for a long weekend with Tim, Trina, and Mike. It was great to see Dan, Meg, and their boys. All the boys have gotten so big. The weekend was a blast and all but coming home was a rough transition. Aspen was getting crankier then usual after returning and had a diaper rash thatkept getting worse and never got better. Finally we took her into the pediatrician's to see what the problem was we found out that she had a yeast infection and then they also looked at a little bump on her leg and we found out she also had a staph infection. Thank goodness we caught that early. It was the MRSA strand and was caught so early and she is perfectly fine now but it was definitely scary.

We also had a long weekend out camping while Aspen stayed with Randy's parents. The camping was so fun and we had a great time being baby free, swimming in the lake, reading books for fun, and just laying out in the sun. I got a little burnt but within a week it had all turned to a tan.

Now about 2 weeks ago classes started back up in school. It's my last semester WOOHOO! But it's a crazy crazy one. I am taking 19 credit hours and feel like I never get to see Aspen much. Thankfully she still remembers who I am when I do see her! :) I just keep reminding myself that after this semester I am done and all I have left is the student teaching this spring semester. I am scared/nervous for student teaching but also so excited it should be a fun experience.

Oh and in case you didn't know Aspen is doing GREAT! She's walking all over now and really becoming quite the personality. She turns one in less than a month and I can hardly believe it. I don't know where the time has gone. It definitely doesn't feel like it's been a year already. Her party theme is going to be ladybugs and I am hand-making all the decorations myself so let the insanity begin. Thankfully I made the banner and invites and all over the summer. I'll definitely be putting pictures up after her party in a few weeks.

That's life as of currently and I am writing down "blog" in my planner to make it a more consistent thing. I actually think it will be a nice break from school work. :) I hope everyone else is having a great week and that their labor day is a restful one if I don't blog until until after. God Bless!

The end is here...SO ready!

Tomorrow is my last class for the semester and I am so freaking thankful!! I have been crazy busy this week with my units and all and today finished the one due tomorrow. Thank God for summer breaks from school. The good news is only one more semester of classes and then I have my student teaching the end is near!!! Next year at this time I will be a college graduate!!! WooHoo!

Onto other recent happenings! On April 30, my little bebes turned 7 months old! I can hardly believe she is so old already. It seriously feels like just yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital. I get teary eyed when I think of her getting so old already! So in honor of her 7 monthday her are her 7 monthday pictures I took! That face is just so stinking precious!!

Then last week we started another journey that we are excited for! We started cloth diapering. If you know me well I never thought I would be able to do cloth diapering because of the gross factor. But the numbers are in our favor when it comes to saving money that way! So the journey has begun. So far I am actually enjoying it and it has not been anywhere near as bad as I thought. So here are some pics of my little stinker modeling in her Bum Genius 3.0 cloth diapers. They are so stinking cute!

On to other matters. This last Sunday was my very 1st Mother's Day and our 2 year anniversary! Randy did very well and I had a great day! I got perfume for our anniversary, a Salon and Spa gift card for Mother's Day, and I suppsoedly have something else coming soon but I'm not allowed to know yet. So we'll see! I hope everyone has had a gret couple weeks and I will try and write soon! God Bless everyone!

The end is near...

School is going to be coming to an end for the semester so soon and I am so excited for summer and all the fun that goes along with that. I'll be nannying again so that will be fun and I get to take Aspen with me so that will definitely be an adventure, but an adventure I am definitely looking forward to.

So to back track a little bit...Aspen's 6 month appointment was great she was 17lbs 2oz and 25 and 1/2 inches long! So pretty average for her age. She had lots of shots which then led to screams in my ears for 5 minutes. And yes most of you would say "Duh! She just had shots!" and yes yes she did BUT stupid mommy thought that the shots were the reason...and no no they were not. The true culprit of all the screams folks was the nurse...the nurse holding down her legs while she gave the shots. Aspen HATES when her legs are being held down and she can't move them. How do we know this you ask, well, the nurse wasn't holding down her leg for one of the shots and Aspen didn't so much as flinch or cry. I have got a very odd baby.

Then a few days I decided I need to do my toe nails and then realized the Aspen's toes needed a little something to...the results is a creepy picture showing how much her feet look like mine...so for your enjoyment...our cute little tootsies.

And because I am good like that...her cute little toes matched her Easter dress. Easter went beautifully and Aspen did very well with all the shuffling around town and from house to house. I was thoroughly surprised with how well she did. She did so well in fact that we had no idea until Monday the day after Easter that her 1st tooth had come in over the weekend. It's crazy how much she is changing and growing. I really wish I would slow down time. But alas, I am not God so that would be impossible. And here is another picture for your enjoyment of my little bebes on Easter with her "basket!" I made the basket myself and painted the letters and added the furry trim...everything...I was so proud at how it turned out. And it was filled with teethers, new pacifiers, a couple rubber ducks(which Goliath decided were his), and the DVD of Snow White. Then of course the weather has FINALLY started to get nicer and we have been going on more walksso of course I decided Aspen has to ride ready for the sun. So one Target trip that was supposed to be for laundry detergent ended with this cute purchase as well...baby sunglasses...who knew they made something so logical for babies too?

With this nicer weather also brings about another one of Randy's favorite parts of the year...can anyone take a guess what? If you guessed baseball....DING DING DING you get a prize. It is baseball season and dear Randy is a very big fan of the Minnesota Twins and he decided he needs to starting training Aspen to cheer for the right team. So the result is this picture...do you think her chewing on the hat means anything?

Just can't get enough of that cute face can you! I can't either...but she is just getting so big and it's scary how much she has been changing...she is getting to the size in fact that its becoming a pain in the tush to lug around her infant seat all the time. Her 17 pounds plus the 10 pound seat is a lot to carry on one arm...so the solution is....TA DA

Her new convertible carseat...a Graco MyRide 65! She actually has 2 one for Randy's car and one for mine. We are so tired of switching carseats back and forth so of course the locial solution is 2 by 2...so 243 dollars(including an awesome new stroller) later we have her awesome new carseats. And if you know anything about her stroller she had it drives Randy and I up the flippin' wall. It has a wheel that squeaks like no other no matter what we do...no amount of WD-40 has been able to stop it and it's gotten to the point where we were avoiding taking walks or anything that involves a stroller... but I am definitely not going to carry her every where. So what does resourceful mommy do...she pulls out every Babies R Us coupon she can find and heads out with Aspen in tow. I'm sure I was quite the sight putting her in numerous strollers and car seats before finding the perfect ones and then making it up to the checkout. Well sort of... a employee had to help drag one of the car seat boxes to the front because there was no way I was able to get both car seats and stroller in the cart. Anywho sorry for the digression. I got up to the register and they did their thing with the coupons and drum roll please...I SAVED $163 with those coupons. The total would have been nearly 400 without those coupons but with them I spent only $243! I'm such a resourceful mommy. Oh...and here is the stroller I got...it's a Trendsport and very sleek looking if I may say so myself...

Oh...and remember how I said that we have 2 carseats one for his car one for mine? Well it's actually not going to be a car for me any more. I am getting my Mommy vehicle. We are getting a 2006 Dodge Grand Caravan and I am sooooo EXCITED. Randy's car finally pooped out and the result is me getting a new van and Randy will drive the Taurus. The extra space will be SOOOOO nice. Ok...I think I am done for now..but will definitely post soon and hopefully with pics of the new ride! :) God Bless Everyone!

Just another day in...

Paradise?? Well honestly it's just another day in a coffee induced state of awakeness. It's been one of those days...you other moms know what I mean. One of the days that getting stuff done seems impossible, your child is fussy without reason and is hard to comfort, the dog has been exceptionally whiney and needy, in the attempt to do laundry today a load is still in the washer after 2 hours waiting to be switched, homework, is only about half done and barely understandable in the first place, and I am on my 5th cup of coffee. Yes, that's right you read it right. My 5th!!!!

As you read this you may also be asking well what is she doning blogging if she has all that to do...well in case you aren't a parent the idea of getting to do what you want when you want as a paretn is non existent (I know that even non-parents don't have that luxury all the time either...but they usually get it more than parents do)! This is the first time I have been able to sit down and have a few minutes to myself and I am taking the chance and deciding to blog. *Shakes finger at myself* Bad mommy!

So back to my day! I firmly believe I should be taking a stock in coffee and I can definitely confirm that since joining the ranks of mommyhood I have trie numerous roasts, flavored, non flavored, and dozens of different flavors of creamers as well. I think that the coffee companies probably make a pretty penny from my investment in their products. Oh...and the best coffee drink by far I can't make but invest money into on a basis far too often then it should be....the Vanilla Light Starbuck's Energy Drink!!!!! So good and the thought makes me even more thirsty for one!

Ok back to the ongoings of life. Last week was spring break and it was very uneventful, the no classes was great but Randy had a painful abcess so that consumed two days of trying to even figure out what it was how to fix the pain and a urgent care visit and 297 dollars later he is now fine and we are thankful to have gotten it fixed. Then for one of the ideas I had the worst headache that I have EVER had in my life so it resulted in my laying on the couch when Aspen was occupied while Randy worked and praying that she would stay content and occupied until my headache finally went away. Thank God t finally went away. St. Patrick's Day consisted of me going to AWANA since I am the director and that was not the way I really wanted to spend St. Patty's but alas I had no choice. Oh and on a side note I don't have to Direct for them next year and I am passing the reigns to someone else. So glad to be able to have my Wednesday nights back. And I digressed again...

So I hear Aspen stirring in her room already so WOOT for that 20minute nap. Thank God she at least sleeps through the night. But I will leave you with these pictures. Aspen on St. Patty's with her Clover headband, one with her dad, and I also decided to pain her toes last Friday and so there is a picture of your cute pudgy feet...oh and one in her jumper..cause she jsut looked so stinking cute! Enjoy.

It's a miracle...

Posts 2 days in a row...who h=would have imagined that happening...but there is a reason. We have the conference this weekend and naturally I should be packing Aspen's bag for grandma Linda's. One little problem though...I put Aspen down for a nap in her room...and yes that's right her room is where all her stuff is that needs to be packed...do I dare go in and start packing and risk disturbing the sleeping giant...lol! Nope nope I think not...so alas I sit here and drink my coffee and wait for Randy to get home from work this morning.

Oh and the question that I am sure that is on everyone's mind after my last post.......the answer to where I slept last night.....*drumroll plays*
On the floor of her room...yes folks, I was that mother that is having a hard time letting her baby get older and I slept right next to her crib on the floor so I could easily check on her and Goliath curled up and slet next to me as well. That sleeping arrangement last until 5am when Randy got up for work, he woke me up and I moved to the bed for the last hour and a half or so of her sleep.
Definitely NEVER thought I would be this kind of mother and the emotional wreck Aspen has turned me into. But it is all worth it... I can not imagine life without her. Everytime I think about the moms that lose their babies or all different reasons my heart breaks and I feel saddened that the precious gifts would be taken from them. Like precious Olivia, I would be such a wreck after losing a child and her mother is such a strong woman. I can not believe how well she has perservered. I know that it can't be easy for her but she still keeps going. Olivia was beautiful and she has a story that will forever live in my heart. Then my dear friend that had to give birth to her sleeping baby boy on her actual due date...made it all the way to her 40 week appointment to find out his heart stopped beating. I just can't fathom the heartache. Everytime I think of these stories I hug Aspen a little tighter and when I am frustrated with her their stories remind me that I am getting to experience something that others do not no matter how hard they wish. I will forever be astounded by the women and the heartache they went through and they still carry it with them. I am grateful that I have my baby girl and will never understand why God takes some babies home before they ever really live. But his plan is the ultimate and I truly think that maybe they really were just too beautiful for Earth.

School will be the death of me...

So being a mother is the most amazing thing in my life that I have been able to experience. But add being a student in there and I feel like my life is just overly stretched out. I want to finish school but sometimes I get so tired and frustrated with it all that I sometimes wish I could quit...but then I have to remember that Randy probably has it so much worse then I do...he does school, being a father, and work. So I know he proabably has the stress even worse.

On an Aspen update she is almost 5 and 1/2 months old and getting bigger by the day. Even though she is growing she is still small for her age she is only 15lbs and 24inches long but because of her body shape and size she is still wearing 0-3 month clothes. She is still as adorable as ever and I feel blessed every day when she looks at me and smiles. The gift of motherhood is amazing and she is truly my greatest treasure in life. Oh...and Aspen is starting to teach me that she is not so little anymore. She has still been sleeping in the playpen bassinet next to my side of the bed and love being able to roll over and check on her during the night. But tonight Randy went to bed and when I tried to put her to bed she kept moving around, kicking the sides of the bassinet and just being very difficult. Randy was frustrated because he has to be up early in the morning and she was keeping him awake. So I took her and rocked her for awhile and even that didn't appease her. So I finally reluctantly put her in her crib and within 5 minutes she was out. I am so nervous about leaving her in there tonight...and wouldn't be surprised if I end up sleeping in there tonight I have become so emotional as a mom...I found myself crying today about the fact that she is soon to be 6months old. It seems like just yesterday she was born. Motherhood definitely has changed me in ways I never thought.

Now to let you guys in more on Randy and I...we are good beyond the whole busyness of life. This weekend I am psyched that we get to go to the "Weekend to Remember" marriage conference at the Hilton downtown. We went last year and loved it so I am so excited to go back and brush up on the skils we learned and to really get to spend some quality time with just Randy and I...it has been so long since we have had quality time together. Aspen will be with Grandma Linda and Grandpa Kim for the weekend. I know she will be perfectly fine and completely trust Linda with Aspen but I just can't help feel nervous more for me then for her. I will miss her.

I think that is about all I have for today...if you have made it to the end then I would have to give props to you! Hope God blesses you this weekend and I will update this next week (I will be on spring break next week).

Life has gotten crazy...

Things are crazy busy...but I did want to update people on Aspen she is 13 pounds now...she'll be 5 months this weekend and here are some of her 4 month photos by Zimmermann Photography! She is such a cutie...I love her so much!

I'm such a bad blogger...

Things have been so insanely busy the last two weeks so blogging has been a difficult task but here I am. I am blogging from my university library because I am inbetween classes right now which is part of the reason why I have gotten so crazy busy. I knew that going to school would be hard with Aspen but it is definitely not hard in the sense I thought it would be. The hardest part is when I have to leave her. I hate leaving her especially on Thursdays when I have to go almost 12 hours without seeing her. I really start to miss her smiles and her cuddles and I honestly at times want to try and go see her in between classes but she is literally all the way across town at my grandmother's house and the gas and the time it would take would only give me about 10 minutes or so with her before I would have to try and come back to the school and find parking again. SO Thursdays are the day of the week I hate the most because of my lack of Aspen time. Beyond school starting things are going ok, finances are still tight but we work through it and God has provided for us every step of the way. We have been trying to make it a point to get together with friends we haven't gotten to see much, we are hanging out with some this weekend which I am very excited for. One of the couples has a 8 month old so the adults are going to have dinner and watch a movie while the babies have a little play-date and hopefully fall asleep.
Beyond that everything is going pretty typical. Oh...my vent for today though...in the area of Omaha there are different counties which is typical of any area. But the prices to license your pet differ so much between the different counties and it is ridiculous. We have to pay 50 dollars for our boxer Goliath. But the previous owners in the next county over only had to pay 15! The price differences are so STUPID and I think very much uncalled for. Ok my vent for the day is over. Hope this finds everyone else doing well! Thank God it's almost the weekend again!

My Baby Favorites...

I have friends who are either pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or will be pregnant in the next 5 years. So I thought I would share what some of my favorite items I have that I use daily with Aspen.



The first item is Munchkin brand and can be found at Target. It is a great way to clean bottles in the dishwsher by making it easy to keep everything together, and even has space for straws or in my case the center air filters off of the Dr. Brown's bottle I use. I think it was only 6 dollars and well worth the money.

The second is a great car seat toy. It plays music, has a rattle and creates something fun to look at. Aspen is not normally a big fan of her car seat but you start the music on this and she quiets right down and stares at the flashing cheeks of the flower. This is also found at Target and cost 15 dollars.

The third one is a car seat cover. Especially if your baby is going to be little in winter. It has proven a great use to us with this bitter cold winter. It has a flap that is able to come up when you are inside and want to see baby, and it goes down when outside to protect babies face from the snow and cold temperatures.

This next one is a travel system. Ours us a little different. We have one made by Eddie Bauer. It makes a great when ou want to go on a walk or are going to the mall. The car seat fits right inside it. It has a place to store your diaper bag underneath. And it even has cup holders...I LOVE IT! You can get travel systems at numerous places and they all vary in price.

This on is what is called a temporal scanner. It can be found at Target for around 30 dollars. It is a thermometer that is very accurate. I got after numerous failed attempts at getting Aspen's temperature. I don't like the idea of sticking a thermometer in her butt, and she hated when I would put the thermometer under her arm. So her pediatrician recommended this one and said that it is a very accurate way to get her temperature without making her uncomfortable. So I picked one up and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! Taking her temp has become so easy. It is so worth the money.

This is called the Soothe and Glow Seahorse. We got it at a baby shower but I have seen them available at Target as well. We never really thought to use it until she was almost a 2 months old and she was having a night where she was "inconsolable." I saw it sitting in her room and decided to give it a try. I pushed the belly and it started playing soft music while it's belly glowed. She was dead asleep in a matter of minutes. I was amazed. It still works wonders for us. When she is tired and cranky we lay her down with it or put it on the tray of the swing with her and turn it on and she goes out rather quickly. The music plays for about 4 or 5 minutes. A few times we have had to push the belly one ore time before she is out. But she loves it and even will grab grab onto it in a hugging manner sometimes when she is next to it. We named it "Sammy" for her. They also have the seahorse available in pink. We like that we got the blue one though because we will be able to use it for the next baby even if it's a boy without feeling the guilt of a little boy having a bunch of pink stuff!:)

This diaper bag is Carter's brand. It can be found at Babies R Us for 40 dollars and it is amazing. I originally had a different diaper bag that I thought would be great. But quickly learned it did not have enough room for all the stuff I needed and wanted to carry in it. A friend had this diaper bag and I adored how much room there was in it and it is very cute. So I went and picked it up and have discovered that it is well worth the money. It carries everything and I even have a little extra room sometimes.

Ok...so Aspen is not using her highchair yet. But this high chair was given to us by friends that decided they are done having kids. And we adore it. It fits in beautifully with out kitchen and isn't as gaudy as a lot of the high chairs out there. It's not very often that you can find decent wood high chairs. I have seen these high chairs on amazon.com but I am not sure what their price was and I am not sure what store they could be found in. I do know that Target doesn't carry this kind of highchair though.

Ah...and the infamous Dr. Brown's bottle. I will NEVER use anything else for any of our future kids. They have a few extra parts than other bottles but using the munchkin dishwasher bottle part holder that was number one on my list makes everything a cinch to wash. They reduce the amount of gas that Aspen gets and I have never had any issues with these bottles. Aspen prefers these over other bottles as well. We tried Playtex Ventaire bottles once and she didn't like those at all. Dr. Brown's bottle can be found at Target, Babies R Us, Bakers, Wal Mart, etc. Target sells them in 3 packs for 13 dollars...btu we have resorted to getting them from Baker's. At Baker's you can buy a three pack for 7 dollars.

Carter's Sleepers like the one above are must haves. They have them in heavy fleece for winter and in light cotton for warmer months and they are so cute. You can find them pretty cheap at Target and they are great for days that you don't feel like dressing the baby in a regular outfit or when you are hanging around the hosue. They also have snap buttons in th elegs which make the diaper changing very easy.

Last but not least it the Butt Paste. Which is my opinion and experience with Aspen is the best thing for her diaper rashes. It is a cream that is sensitive enough on baby skin that you can use some every day as a "preventative" measure against diaper rash. Since we started using it she has had no diaper rashes. You can find the size tube in this picture for about 4 dollars at Target and I am not sure what the price would be at Babies R Us.

Thanks for reading and I hope I gave you some good ideas to keep in mind for your baby.

It's official...

Me heart is definitely not whole. I have been realizing more and more over the last two weeks that my heart is in fact fragile and not whole. The snow and the possibility of Randy and Aspen getting hurt actually makes me that neurotic mom that most people hate. The day that I had given my life to Christ and stopped living for myself, my heart was full and whole. Then came the day when I met Randy and as we dated and started to get to know eachother I fell head over heals in love with him and the day we said "I do" a piece of my heart was given to him and will always be with him. Then the day that we found out I was pregnant I felt a piece of my heart coming off again. This time to be kept with Aspen as she grew inside me and now as she grows outside of me. I constantly worry about both Randy and Aspen when I am not with them hoping that they are safe and ok. I knew it was normal to worry a bit but I felt like my worry was more than just a bit. Then the day we got in the car accident. I cried more than I ever thought I could. I cried because in the car was Randy, Aspen, Me, and my sister Kassandra. The thoughts of what could have happened to us made me break down and I have never held on to Aspen so hard as I did that night after the accident. I thank God everyday that we were not hurt and the only thing that was hurt was my car, which is fixable. So every day there are three pieces of heart that are in this world. Rany carries one deep in him and always will, Aspen had a piece grow inside her as she grew in me. When we have more kids I know that they to will carry a piece of my heart as well. Having your heart in pieces can be one of the most amazing feelings there is but also one of the most frightening. I now understand my grandma and her neurotic feelings for everyone in the family. But I have realized they aren't so neurotic. Amazing that it took getting married and having a kid to finally get it. But hey at least I got it right? My heart will never be whole again but knowing the love that comes along with that makes it so worth it. So here is a glimpse of the other 2 pieces of my heart and when the three are put together!

The Journey into 2010 has begun...

So the year has definitely begun. Started off with a car accident that is a long story...but everyone is safe and no one was hurt. Well my car was hurt...but at least a car is fixable. We have an appoinment to go tomorrow and get the estimation on what it may take to fix it. And that is if the appointment still goes on...we once again have received more snow and they will call us in the morning to let us know whether we need to reschedule. Then insurance will give us a check for repairs and we are taking it Randy's uncle Craig who is going to fix it for us. And he will fix it for a lot cheaper than a regular auto shop.

Aspen is getting bigger! I can see it in her face and you can definitely tell when you try and lift her. She's been such a peanut for so long it's hard to believe she is actually getting bigger. Oh...and her newest feat-she rolls from her belly to her back! Not often yet, but she has done it 3 times. I don't think she quite relizes what she is doing because she gets a shocked look on her face and looks at me like "what was that?" It's quite humorous to watch. I also am starting to wonder how this going to classes this semester is going to go. I am already having a hard time with the thought of leaving her fot the classes, not to mention that my financial aid has changed so I may have to reduce the amount of classes I am taking anyway. So we will see! I have to be honest with the fact that I honestly don't care whether I return to school at this point or not. My plan has always been to be a stay at home mom until my kids are in school at least. And we are p;anning on having more kids. So even if I get my degree it will be at least 10years or so until I will be able to use it. And teaching degrees from what I understand do "expire!" Such a hard decision.

Anways, it is definitely time for me to get some sleep. Thanks for listening to my dronings.